Adventures in Babysitting

I resigned

2011-08-15T13:31:00.001-07:00

That's it. The title says it all. I resigned from my position at the school. It has a 3 fold explanation:

1. My mother is dying. No really, she is. She has Pulmonary Fibrosis and has outlived her life expectancy by three years. She has tried every experimental drug the doctors can shove on her and I think they have prolonged her life. Not to mention her fierce will to continue living and see her grandchildren do their thing. But now we truly think she's at the end. She's 6 feet tall and weighs maybe 105 lbs. She's on oxygen 100% of the time and doesn't eat much anymore. She turned 74 in June. My dad is 77 and is very healthy but needs to have breaks now and again from the care taking responsibilities. So I quit my job to help them out. Sounds like I'm a real great gal, doesn't it.

2. My husband needs an office assistant. He is a Family Therapist with his own business. I know he could make more money and finish more projects if he had someone to do the books, the billing, and the hodgepodge of office life that I can do so easily. We had thought about it for some time and feel that we can make the leap now without killing ourselves. (God, please don't let us kill ourselves!--A serious prayer.)

3. I was sick of the District I work for. Aside from the fact that the district is the best run in the state and the legislature hate us, which I love, they have a backward way of thinking. It's an good old boys' club. Everyone hides behind each others coattails so no one takes the blame for anything. I just got sick of it. But, and it's a big but, if my mother's health hadn't turned I probably would have gone down in a blaze of glory. I could sue them and win. I could sue the teacher at my school--you know who you are you backstabbing bitch--who sent the district the anonymous letter. It's an anonymous blog people. And for the record I know of a few more people in the district who work in Special Ed that have blogs they write about their students and it's NOT anonymous. Go figure out who they are because I'm not a tattle tell.

And that's where I stand. I am still heavily involved in the PTA. I have one child left at the elemProxy-Connection: keep-alive
Cache-Control: max-age=0

tary school which I was formerly employed. I'm still going to be in the school often enough and have friends that will tell me stories that will make their way to my blog.

So watcha gonna do to me now, Big Bad District? HUH?! What now?!

The Email

2011-04-21T12:19:00.000-07:00

I got in trouble with the district again over this blog. It's still here of course but I am the only who can view it unless I've invited someone over, which I dn't know if I'll do.

some "anonymous" person sent an email to my school board, the Pal and the PTA President. The only reason I knew it was sent in the first place is becaause the PTA President and I are friends. But by the time she got a look at it and called me about it it was too late. The Superintendent had already put a bug in the ear of the head HR guy. The were able to copy my entire blog (which I hope entertained them. You know it did) and get in touvh with the Pal.

On Monday this week The Pal went up to the DO to talk to the HR guy and was fully expecting to be told to fire me but he wasn't. He asked the Pl what he wanted to do with me. The Pal said I don't know. The head HR guy suggested that they suspend me for a day to which the Pal replied, "Why are you punishing me and rewarding her." They finally decided that tge Pal would write up a formal letter and I would sign it and that would be all.

The thing this person wasn't relying on was my relationships with members of the school board, the Superintendent and the head HR guy. The Pal even asked if it had been anyone else would they have been fired and the HR guy said, Most likely. Makes me smile.

BTW--I've just heard that the district is finally adapting Twitter, FB and other programs to help get the good word out on their website. My suggestion? Be careful who views it. I can't wait to see what happens.

And here is the email for your viewing pleasure:

I am anonymously emailing all of you to inform you of the information below, involving one Mrs. Kara Sherman, employee at Forbes Elementary School, in your school district. I do not live in your school district, not even in your state....but what Mrs. Sherman is doing is WRONG!

Mrs. Sherman became a random "follower" of someone I "know" on Twitter and that is how I became aware of the situation I am about to describe for you. Please follow the links below, as they demonstrate the problem Mrs. Sherman has created.

Once my acquaintance noticed he/she had a new follower on Twitter, he/she clicked on the new follower's Twitter profile:

http://twitter.com/wampumqueen

It was at that time, apparent that the follower was Mrs. Kara Sherman as she had, at that time, listed at the top right of her Twitter page the following information:

Name Kara Sherman

Location iPhone: 40.381561,-111.782326

Web http://elementary..

Bio Wife and Mother Extraordinaire, Family Engineer, Lady of Leisure, Elementary school secretary

This information gives her EXACT location from her iPhone as well as the URL to her own personal blog:

http://elementarysecretary.blogspot.com/

After reading through what Mrs. Sherman "blogs" about from her position as secretary at an elementary school, it was clear to us that she is repeatedly publicly disclosing, and with horrible biases, information that she in her position of employment has absolutely no business whatsoever disclosing on the Internet or otherwise. Also, Mrs. Sherman doesn't just blog about the students of Forbes Elementary School, she blogs about their parents, grandparents, school employees, etc as well. In her blog, Mrs. Sherman passes harsh judgement, gossips, makes gross assumptions, all while violating the privacy of the students and parents she was hired to serve by making it public! It is obvious that Mrs. Sherman has been blogging about events, students, and parents at Forbes Elementary School in a mean spirited, prejudiced, inappropriate manner....all on her personal blog and doing so WHILE AT WORK!

Although on her blog, Mrs. Sherman does NOT list the name of the school she works for, a simple Google search of her name, "Kara Sherman", yields several results, such as:

Her Google Profile, specifically listed her place of employment BY NAME & the School District's Name at first and she has since removed that info. However, your School District's name is mentioned in her LinkedIn info: http://www.linkedin.com/pub/kara-sherman/1a/789/698 where she also again posts a link to her 2 BLOGS, one link is now not functional, but her "family" blog is accessible still.

I respectfully submit that anyone can Google another person's name/Twitter name and unfortunately, links to her current blog is what will come up on the worldwide web for all to see, thanks to Mrs. Kara Sherman.

TODAY'S Update: I typed this email and saved it as a Draft MONTHS AGO but never sent it until today. I thought maybe Ms. Sherman changed her ways. Until I saw her Twitter name pop up in an re-tweet today A short amount of digging & it appears Mrs. Sherman has changed her "name" on Twitter to "Elizabeth Poppleton" and removed her Location and her website URL from her Twitter page.....but still has "Wampuqueen" as her Twitter username, which when "Wampumqueen" is googled http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&aq=0h&oq=wampum&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4ADRA_enUS392US392&q=wampumqueen and searched through Blogger http://www.blogger.com/profile/05958282429189357990 still leads you to her NON FAMILY website, titled: "Adventures in Babysitting" now located at http://queenofsecretaries.blogspot.com/ Please GO READ HER POSTS! :(

Note: She has blog posts on her website from 2/15/11, 2/21/11 and 3/8/11 referencing her "problems with the district", brags about her steps to hide her blog on the internet, references to having a lawyer, how she will continue to blog about the students/school after being spoken to about her blog by the "Pal" Principal, and her intent to continue using her iPhone during work to post, access social media, etc.

Signed,

Anonymous parent of a special needs child, HIGHLY IRRITATED!

Once my acquaintance noticed he/she had a new follower on Twitter, he/she clicked on the new follower's Twitter profile:

http://twitter.com/wampumqueen

It was at that time, apparent that the follower was Mrs. Kara Sherman as she had, at that time, listed at the top right of her Twitter page the following information:

Name Kara Sherman

Location iPhone: 40.381561,-111.782326

Web http://elementary..

Bio Wife and Mother Extraordinaire, Family Engineer, Lady of Leisure, Elementary school secretary

This information gives her EXACT location from her iPhone as well as the URL to her own personal blog:

http://elementarysecretary.blogspot.com/

Although on her blog, Mrs. Sherman does NOT list the name of the school she works for, a simple Google search of her name, "Kara Sherman", yields several results, such as:

Signed,

Anonymous parent of a special needs child, HIGHLY IRRITATED!

Dear Diary

2011-03-21T14:44:00.001-07:00

Back before I started blogging I used to make entries into my computer about things that had happened here in the school. Mostly for legal reasons: in case we got sued. Now I just keep the blog.

The following are two entries I made regarding one of the craziest families we've ever had. There were two kids and their parents (both unemployed) who lived with the Grandma who was as looney as a....I don't know what. No, I mean she was out of her gourd. She came roaring in here once and tried to intimidate me as I'm sure she was used to doing then when I wouldn't cow she called me ugly, "You are an ugly woman," is what she said. To which I responded by climbing over my desk to get her but luckily Bossy was coming up behind me and grabbed me before I could get very far. That would have been one dead Grandma.

We called the school they had been in before coming here and found out they had had a restraining order against Grandma and we told her she wasn't allowed in the school her either or we would get a restraining order against her, too. I guess at the previous school she had been VERY abusive to the office staff and they were quite scared of her. Yeah. I don't scare easily. She had met her match.

By the way, they kids only lasted till the end of the year then they transferred to another school. Grandma got picked up for shoplifting, not a first offense, and spent some time in jail. On that note: Enjoy!

11/7/07—At 9:45 am an aide called me to say that as The Whale was going out to recess she heard him say that at 10:00 he was going to get sick and call his grandma and she was going to come take him home. At precisely 10:00 he came into the office complaining of a stomachache. I told him that the aide had called me and told me what he had said and that he was NOT calling his grandma. I told him he could lie down on the nurse’s couch for a minute. He moaned and whined and put on a good act. At 10:05 his teacher called to say that the kids had come back from recess saying that The Whale had gone into the bathroom and ate soap. After I got off the phone I said to him, “Whale! You don’t eat soap. Now you’re really not calling home.” A few minutes later he cam out of the nurse’s office saying, “I feel much better now. I’m going back to class.” I said, “You do that.”

11/13/07—The Whale came in and called his mother asking her to come to an assembly. He said that she told him she was coming. Apparently she came. Anyhow, he came back with his teacher after the assembly crying big crocodile tears howling that his mom and his grandma were going on a big boat ride and he didn’t get to say good-bye and that his real dad was going to come get him and take him away to a foreign country. We let him call home but did not hear the conversation. He told us that she was coming to get him. When she came she asked if he looked really sick and Bossy said that that was not the story and proceeded to tell the mother his story. She was hoppin’ mad and when he got back down to the office he was grilled by his mother as to what he said and he refused to tell her. Finally, Bossy told him that he needed to tell his mother what he had told her and his teacher. After he did his mother just started screaming and cussing him up one side and down the other about lying, etc. which went on for quite awhile…..then she proceeded to check him out of school!!! She yelled at him all the way out to her car and while she was driving out of the parking lot. What did she teach him? That it doesn’t matter what she says he got out of school anyway.

More Funny Pictures

2011-03-08T09:58:00.000-08:00

Passing through the halls I see some fun drawings the kids do. This first one is done by a girl in 2nd grade. They were to write down their 5 top needs that they couldn't live without. I liked her comment about parents (excuse my bloody bandaid covering her name):

You can barely see it but it says Parents: they need your love. All the other signs if they had mentioned their parents said that they (the child) needed their parents love. I thought that this particular one was just so cute.

The next one is by a kindergarten. Since it was President's Day and around George Washington's Birthday they made George Washington hats and then listened to a story about George. Some liked that he was very tall and strong, some liked that he had a dog, some liked that he didn't wear a wig but powdered his own hair, and some liked that he had big feet:

I just stood there and stared. It's of course supposed to be a foot but......

Momma Always Says, "Stupid Is As Stupid Does"

2011-03-08T09:50:00.000-08:00

I haven’t posted in awhile. I’ve been letting the turmoil die down a little bit. I have figured out who called the district office about me as this same person, apparently calls the district office on almost a daily basis. She has made a name for herself up there and it’s not a nice name. Speak of the devil: she just walked in. I was less than helpful and borderline rude. I can’t help it; apparently it’s in my nature.

Last week in a meeting with school administration, teachers, PTA presidents and parents this particular person used blanket statements about the school, teachers, and secretaries such as: Everyone thinks this school is horrible, No one care about the children, Everyone wants reform, Nobody likes the secretaries, Everyone thinks they are rude and mean, etc. etc. Sounded to me like a certain religious women’s group had gotten together and talked about it and this is what we’re hearing. This is the problem with rabble-rousers.

Then she went on to introduce a plan to increase morale and increase teacher productivity: To send out a questionnaire with loaded questions on how each teacher is doing individually and what they can do better. Then take all the negative remarks, give them to the teachers, with a timeline of when these specific things are to be addressed. One teacher that was in the meeting started to cry a little bit out of total outrage and responded with this: If you do this and you put anything in front of me I will walk out the door and never return.

Of course, then the reply was: Oh we’re not talking about YOU. But I thought she had used all those blanket statements………

The Pal put an end to her rousing of the rabble and moved the meeting along but not before every person in the room was offended.

She is attending the school’s PTA meeting today to tell them what they are doing wrong. I shall be in attendance at the meeting to keep her in line with a little thing called Robert’s Rules of Parliamentary Procedure. I shall be representing the Region PTA and myself a school PTA member. I can’t wait. I truly can’t.

The meeting was by the way about how to spend state education moneys at the school. She was WAAAYYY out of bounds. But that has never stopped stupid people before.

An Oldy But Still a Goody

2011-02-21T09:07:00.000-08:00

Before I start my funny story a quick update on the blog problem with the district. They are desperately trying to find my blog on the web. They don't realize that I am smarter than the average person when it comes to the interwebs and hiding things on said net. So I am still going as of now and I have a pretty good case to back me up if it comes to it. Plus, a lawyer. Yes, I will sic a lawyer on my beloved district.

Anywho...

In the fall about 4 years ago I happened to wander out to the playground to see what was the haps during lunch recess. It was warm so I was there. I'd been out there for a few minutes when several little girls came running up to me and yelling that there were boys in the pine tree (there is a lone, large pine tree on one side of the playground) and they were peeing off the tree. I expected to see the "usual suspects" but was very surprised to find the best 4 or 5 boys in 6th grade peeing out of the tree. They had climbed out of the tree once the other kids started yelling that I was coming over and were trying to get away but I radioed in to Bossy to call them into the office.

Here they came one crying already, a couple smiling sheepishly, and the others looking quite guilty. The one that really cracked me up was a kid who had just had shoulder surgery and his arm was in a sling then tied to his body. I couldn't figure out for the life of me how he'd climbed that tree one-armed then manage to unzip and let it rip.

We took them into the then Pal's office and made them call their mothers--they were suspended for a 1/2 day. They all turned into blubbering messes when confronted by their mothers. Most of them got a good lecture from their moms but the one who had the arm in the sling his mom just laughed and laughed. Which was amusing to the rest of us. We were all giggling about it too. It was just to funny not to laugh.

The other day the kid with the sling (now, of course not in a sling) came in to check out his sister and I said, "Hey, remember when you climbed up the pine tree one-armed and peed out of the tree?" He said, "Oh man, I was hoping you had all forgotten that." He said he would never forget that and he didn't know what had come over him that day. I told him that that was one of our favorite stories to recount. Bossy and I just laughed and laughed while we recounted it with him. His older sister was there with him and hadn't heard the story. We were glad to tell it again.

I finally asked him how he had climbed that tree with one arm and he said he didn't know but where there's a will there's a way.

Pretty Pissed Off

2011-02-15T19:25:00.000-08:00

Today the Pal had me come into the office and shut the door. NEVER a good thing. I know because it happens way too often for me. I'm getting in trouble.

I sat down and he came right to the point. Shut down the blog. It was a direct directive/order from the district. Some parent called up to the district office and asked for the Pal's boss then proceeded to tell her that I have this blog. She is worried that every time she opens it up she will see a story about her or her children. Well, DUH! She just might at that. And for that matter, she is now! And by the way, if you don't want to see something then don't go looking for it!

Then he told me that I was not allowed to Tweet from school and that I was to avoid all social media from there.

Here is my solution:

I won't Tweet from my computer, however, I will use my iPhone as the district can't track that. Also, I blocked Twitter a few weeks ago from my Facebook feed which is where the problem came from as some of my Tweets leaked through to Facebook. Also, I blocked my Twitter account so only those who are my followers can see my Tweets and anyone who wants to follow me has to ask for my permission. And, I changed the address to my blog and made it so the old address would not redirect.

I is a college gradeate.

So my friends, there you have it.

If this particular person has found her way to this blog your worst nightmare has now come true. Also, if you want me to censure myself then have the balls to come talk to me yourself.

That is all.

Yes, he has a father!

2011-02-04T08:54:00.000-08:00

Last night was Parent Teacher Conferences. Bossy and I make dinner for the teachers and serve it which makes it so we don't get home until about 7:00 but that's beside the point. I was sitting with one of the teachers and she reminded me of this story:

She teaches 4th grade and has really large classes which makes her job "fun" but she handles it like a professional. One day she intercepted a note being passed from one boy to another. In it the note read something like: Your dad is a bastard.

She called the passer up to talk to him and told him that he was going to have to call his parents. He called and the teacher stood by listening to the story the kid told. She could hear the dad asking him if he knew what bastard meant, the kid said, no. The dad told him, more like shouted at him, what it meant then asked him something the teacher couldn't hear. Then the kid said, "I think he has a dad."

I bet the kid won't soon forget what bastard means.

Which reminds me of my own upbringing. When I was about 8 or 9 I was confused about the difference between two words that I had heard. When we were visiting my very proper grandmother I got to thinking about those two words and wanted to know "right now" what they meant.

I went into my mom and grandma and said, "Mom? Is a shyster and a bastard the same thing?" My grandma and my mom just sat there looking at me then each other then they started to giggle and finally my mom said, "Pretty much."

Guest Post by @Streetlights94

2011-02-03T10:12:00.000-08:00

The Birds and the Bees

It was our last year at the middle school and our last group of sixth graders. I took one for the
team and moved out to the portables. I wasn’t happy with it. I was a “veteran” teacher and
the portables were disgusting. Freezing in the winter with iced over carpet in the doorway and
smelly in the spring with sixth graders whose bodies have gone through puberty and weren’t
consistent with deodorant.

The joys.

But we had fun. The overhead screen had a tendency of falling off the hooks whenever the PE
classes played soccer and the ball hit the outside of the portable. I learned to be quick on my
feet. The kids became really attentive in order to hear me over the swamp cooler or to use the
giant golf umbrella to run out to the main building to use the bathroom.

There was something about that portable that created an atmosphere of “team-building”.

So when the seventh grader came in and randomly flipped off my kids than scurried away, they
were indignant. Horrified. How could he do such a thing? And mostly I thought, How stupid
was he? If he I couldn’t see him cross the field than obviously he went next door to the other
classroom. Why yes, yes he did.

He saw me, skulked in his seat while I made eye contact with him and gave him the gesture no
kid ever wants to see from a teacher: the point and come with me. It was a long silent walk to
the main building where he was given his punishment.

When I returned to my little portable my students were quietly reading. I doubt they had been
reading the whole time. They are able to hear my footsteps clang up the steps. Finally we were
able to begin class and when I turned around to pull down the overhead screen, cautiously so
as to not have it fall on me, they all started laughing.

“What?” I said, kind of irritated because the whole day with them had already been a circus.
They couldn’t even speak. Something had gotten going, between being flipped the bird earlier,
my being upset about it, and whatever this was, I could tell it was going to be a while before we
could settle down to actual work.

Finally a girl stammered out, “There’s a bee on your butt!”

Well of course there was. But somehow, I couldn’t reach it to swat it off and I freaked a little
bit. Who wants to be stung in the rear? This girl ran up with her book and took a swipe at

my butt and the bee fell to the ground. A boy ran up and stomped on it. The three of us just
stared at it while the whole class erupted into more laughter.

Years later I taught these same kids as ninth graders and they were still proud of themselves
for saving me from being stung on the butt on the same day I save them from being flipped the
bird.

Flippin the Bird

2011-01-21T10:47:00.001-08:00

When I started working here 4 years ago I took over the office decorating job. Every month has a theme-Back to School, Fall, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's, St. Patrick's, Easter then Spring/Summer. We have this perpetual Holiday Tree that has different decor. At least once a week I get some moron that comes in here and says, "Oh, you still have you Christmas tree up." Then I say that it's a Holiday Tree and it rotates decorations. Then they look and say, "Oh, it has Easter bunnies on it." Insert big sigh here.

I opened the Valentine's box four years to decorate the tree and discovered three red Cardinals:

They were a bit better looking than this four years ago and apparently they used to go on the Valentine's tree. But really?

So what to do with the birds....well, they would just pop up in unexpected places. I would place them so they looked like they had just run into windows or put them in teachers' boxes or in the refrigerator. Wherever I could think.

When the current Pal was in his first year here we would hide it in his office or once while he was have a meeting I just opened his door a crack and tossed the bird into his room. That went over well.

One Monday we came back to school and it was hanging from a piece of fishing line from the ceiling above Bossy's desk. I guess the Pal had put a chair on her desk, stood on it and attached the bird to the ceiling. We left it there for the duration of the month.

This year we have all gotten a bit more creative in hiding the bird. I got all three birds out and they look pretty bedraggled (see picture above) because we are pretty rough with them.

Places the birds have been: Attached to the hoodie that hangs on my chair, hanging from the exit sign above our door, hooked onto the toilet in our restroom, shoved into the Pal's briefcase, in the freezer, the microwave. We started hiding it for the custodian to find and it would scare him. He started hiding it or putting it in places that we wouldn't miss. Last night I placed it on a recycling bin, put a sign on the bird and left it right in front of the door we knew he would enter.

He decided he was really going to get us so he went home and got this:

He put Darth behind the restroom door in the nurse's room and left it there. Soon enough Bossy had to use the facilities. Upon closing the door she screamed and nearly wet herself. We are going to put Darth somewhere with the bird on top of him.

Maybe I'll leave him a cupcake.

In the shape of a bird poop.

The Root of ALL Evil

2011-01-19T10:16:00.000-08:00

It's me of course: the root of all evil. Or at least that is what some families believe. I'm pretty pissed off so this may seem an acerbic post and there may be some swearing. I don't know. I haven't written it yet and I may calm down in the interim.

So before Christmas Break Little Skinny's mom was doing really well with her. She was getting her to school on time, early even. Bathed, dressed, hair combed, she would eat breakfast here at school. Things were going really well. Her mother had made friends with a sympathetic woman and she was trying to help out Little Skinny's mom as much as possible.

Then over the break I guess Little Skinny's step-dad beat the holy crap out of Little Skinny's mom. While Little Skinny watched. She was terrified and I believe she had some PTSD when she came back to school. Apparently he held her hostage a couple times while the po-po surrounded their house. He's still in jail.

As soon as I found this out I called the district social worker and Little Skinny's case worker and let them know what had happened. The court issued an order to have mom appear on the 19th. She was going to take Little Skinny and run but through several people we managed to get her to stay.

Today is the 19th. The district social worker called me earlier to ask me some questions about the care of Little Skinny and told me she'd call me later.

About 45 minutes ago the door flew open and there was Little Skinny, her mother and mom's new sympathetic friend. Little Skinny was throwing one of her major tantrums, "Mommy, don't leave me! Don't make me stay with HER! I hate HER! I want to go with you! YOU (meaning me) are mean! YOU are taking my mommy away!" So I grabbed her and wrestled with her on the couch while Little Skinny shouted at me, her mom and the friend.

Little Skinny's mom tells her that I am the one to blame. That the "kiddy cops" are taking Little Skinny away from her because I tell on her and make things up. And then they bring her to me on court day so I can help calm her down. Yeah. That is what they told me. They brought her to me to help calm her down. Oh. My. Hell!

Making stuff up my ass. She stinks of either meth or booze half the time (mom) and the friend has told me that she is turning tricks with up to 3 men at a time in her own house, WITH LITTLE SKINNY AT HOME, for money. (Well, of course it's for money. *sigh*)

They left her with me. I was alone in the office because Bossy is out for the day and the Pal was down in someone's room. I was able to hold onto her and drag her over to my desk and shout for help on my walkie-talkie to get the Pal to come. He's in there still, reading a book.

I called the district social worker and told her that she needed to explain to Little Skinny's mom that I am NOT the root of her problems, she did this to herself and to stop telling Little Skinny that I called the "kiddy cops" on her. I told her I was pretty pissed off and mom was going to get an earful from me next time she comes in unless she is told. It wasn't 2 minutes later that the friend called to offer suggestions. Yeah, suggestions from a Barbie. Like I'm going to take that.

And now I'm just ranting without purpose so I will just finish this off with a deep breath ^in^out^. No I don't feel better.

Later--DCFS showed up around lunchtime and took Little Skinny. She has been removed from the home.

Sick Days

2011-01-19T07:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday started out a beautiful day. It was Tuesday and the beginning of our week since we took Martin Luther King, Jr. Day off. The birds were singing the sun was shining. There was a hint of spring in the air as a warm front had moved through our valleys and cleared out all the gunk. But it is January.

I guess February (and I can't help but imagine January, too) is the month when sickness goes all out. It has started here.

By 9:30 we had sent home 3 kids who had thrown up. In the school. And no custodian as he was at a district meeting. I found the "barf seed" and went around the school sprinkling my magic barf fairy dust and putting up yellow cones of barf doom.

I don't care where they throw up as long as it is not in the office. The third one, a 6th grader came in looking distraught saying, "I just threw up in the hall." I looked and it was all over him.
Then he starts doing that urp-y thing when their cheeks puff and their eyes bulge and he's dry heaving but you know it's not going to be dry and I yell, "Don't just stand there run into the bathroom!" Of course most of them don't know we have a restroom in the office. It's kind of in a corner of the nurse's room. He looks at me all wild eyed as if to say, "You are yelling at me in a strange language I can't understand, Lady, and I'm supposed to do WHAT about it?" So I get him headed into the right area while I started my search for the barf seed. Luckily, he made it.

They don't always make it though. Every so often they just stand in front of me and start the barfing. My child did it once. But I was out of town so I didn't have to deal with it.

By the way the 4th one happened during lunch. Right in his lunch tray. That was pretty good aim, I'd say. Too bad it was pizza day.

Seen on Twitter

2011-01-19T07:38:00.000-08:00

"Studying the letter B this week. Student just said "bitch is a B word but I can't say it. "

@Moms_eyes

Babysitting Service

2011-01-11T14:24:00.000-08:00

Just a quicky here before I close my computer down for the day. I live in a community where there is a predominant religion and close knit groups within this religion. Within this community, of course, there are all different types of employments--therapists, lawyers, fire fighters, plumbers, Heating and air specialists, doctors--the same as in any other community. This religion is also a thrifty bunch and will try to get something for free every time. Say, your heating goes out but you know your neighbor does this type of work. You would most likely call said fellow and ask him to come over and take a look for you. But you would be fully hoping, nay, expecting him to fix it without compensation. True story.

So, in this religion like any other, I'm sure, there are different meetings for women or kids during the week and on Sundays where childcare is needed and they have what is called a nursery. It's really quite convenient. You can drop your small children off and enjoy your time unencumbered by your wee ones.

Enough background! Here is the story of the day:

Because of budget restraints our district is trying to get us to pick a model of teaching that will be school wide. We have 2 models going right now. We are having a large parent meeting tomorrow afternoon--at 4:00pm--when all children and most teachers have left the building to discuss the plans and answer questions.

I just had a phone call from a mother asking if she could bring her children to the meeting. And I said, "Well, we'd prefer if you didn't but you can if you have to." She said, "Aren't you going to provide a nursery or somewhere the kids could go?" I told her no. "Can't you just open up a classroom and let the kids go in there?" (Really? Seriously?!) I said, "No. No we won't provide a nursery. You are just going to have to get a babysitter." She was not happy that I wasn't providing for her. I then told her that we would be sending home a letter that would explain what happened in the meeting but she said that she wanted to come to the meeting so she could have some input and didn't we care about that? I said, "Quite frankly, no." She hung up on me.

(Aside from it being a huge liability and an invasion of privacy for teachers to have strangers in their room after they have gone home) Hell, lady, I'm with your kids all day long. The teachers are with your kids all day long. At 4:00 we want to GO HOME. Good grief, lady, take responsibility for yourself and your kids. Quit expecting a free ride.

And that's my beef for the day.

My Next Email by MeanGirlGarage

2011-01-06T14:08:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to get other teachers from the school I work to write guest posts. Something. Anything. I have a few teacher followers on Twitter that are entertaining. MeanGirlGarage was venting yesterday about a situation that actually happens ALL THE TIME, EVERYWHERE. Here is her very own "Good Times":

My Next Email

By Jules at Mean Girl Garage

One of the worst things about teaching is dealing with unrealistic parents. Right now, I am dealing with quite a few of them. This week I had to deal with one of the worst. Their daughter is developmentally handicapped. She is reading and understanding things on a 2^nd grade level. I teach 5^th grade. The parents know this but either don’t want to accept it or don’t really understand it.

Let me go back before I go forward. Every year a student who is in the special education program meets with the pertinent people to update her IEP (Individualized Education Plan.) Last year, at this student’s IEP meeting, the mother asked the school psychologist how long it would take for her daughter’s IQ to reach a normal range (91-110.) Um……your daughter’s IQ is 65. It will never reach a normal range.

This past fall, following everything on her IEP, she failed a test in my class, science. However, I do not make my tests count for a ton of points. She still passed my class with a C. This is good for her.

Her mom harped on me about this stupid test. She thought her daughter should have been able to take the test again. When I graded the test, I circled the correct answers. She couldn’t take the test again. And I don’t give my tests again. I asked my principal. She said it was up to me. I asked the Special Education Supervisor. She felt I did everything ok.

I know. You’re wondering why I didn’t ask my special education teacher. I didn’t because she’s a waste of space. She gives kids the answers. She told another teacher and I that up until this year, when we are entering grades online and parents can see them, that she would just think that a kid was doing around B-ish work and write down a B on his report card. She never even took grades. I had to ask her for two months to make copies of my students IEPs. She finally gave them to me at the end of September. And at the end of October, she asked me for the 5^th grade Content Standards. They are in the same books as all of the other grades’ Standards. Where is she pulling what she’s teaching? So she had already been down my throat about giving this child a make up test.

Obviously, these parents were used to seeing all As and Bs. That’s what the special education teacher had done. I, on the other hand, actually take grades. I write them down. I average them. What a new concept.

On Tuesday, the school nurse stopped me in the hall and informed me that there was a rumor that she heard. THIS mother and another mother had told her that I had been fired. The school nurse told both of them to stop that rumor immediately. It wasn’t true. I laughed. It takes awhile to fire a teacher. The district has to put the teacher on a plan, observe them, meet with them regularly. There’s a lot involved. And I have had great evaluations. There is a teacher in my building getting fired, but not me.

On Wednesday, I had to email this parent. She had asked that when we start a new chapter to let her know. I had given her the science book on CD so that her daughter could listen to it at home. I emailed her giving her the breakdown of what we’d be doing for the next two weeks. I told her the two main concepts that I expected her daughter to know. I also told her that even though her daughter would take the test so she could get exposure to the way the state writes questions (we have a state mandated test in the spring), I wouldn’t count the test towards her daughter’s grade.

She emailed me back asking when the study guide would go home because her daughter would need extra time to study.

WTF? She didn’t thank me for outlining what I’m doing with her. She obviously didn’t see that the test isn’t counting for a grade. She wants to know when the stupid study guide is going home? What is wrong with you, Lady? You’re spreading rumors about me all over town, you gave me a blanket at Christmas with my name spelled wrong, and all you care about is when is the stupid study guide going home?

Screw you. For real. It’ll come home two weeks before the test.

That’s what my next email to her will say.

Heard in the Halls

2011-01-05T12:46:00.000-08:00

While I was passing through the halls today during lunchtime I happened upon the 1st grade autistic class. They were just leaving the lunchroom and returning to their room to get ready for recess. I stopped to tease one of the aides who had been felt up yesterday during lunch by one of their sweet children. He had been rubbing her back then his hand wandered down to her bum and up her buttcrack. She had felt truly violated.

Then she told me that one of the children just announced quite loudly that his nematodes were itching. I looked it up to give you, dear reader, a better explanation than I can: E vermicularis infection (pinworm): The most common symptom of pinworm infection is nocturnal perianal pruritus. So basically his bumhole itches. What happens is at night the pinworm sticks it's head out of the poor kids anus and pokes around for something to eat. But they do it during the day, too.

By the way they get it from picking up things with an infected person's poop on it not washing their hands then eating. I know, TMI...butt hey! Butt hey...get it? heh heh heh *sigh*

So now you know more about ...things....than you ever wanted to know. Good time, people, good times.

In the Quietude

2011-01-03T13:47:00.000-08:00

One thing is certain after a long break like we just had (two week Christmas vacation thank you very much): The kids are quite subdued when then return to school. After staying up late and getting up late, partying with siblings, cousins and friends, consuming massive amounts of sugar and the yearly visit of the Fat Jolly Elf they are a little quieter when they return.

I'm sure that most parents were ready to have their children go back to school. ..."And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again." But I wasn't ready to have mine go back. Why??? Because it means that I have to go back.

However, it was very quiet around here today. Kids walked around in new clothes, boots or coats with, I'm sure, pockets or backpacks stuffed with their new toys, and blank, sleepy looks on their faces. Kind of like the look on my face.. right.. now... zzzz......snort!...What?! All the teachers mentioned how quiet their classes were and but then also asked if there were a lot of kids absent today.

And you know what? There were. And every parent that called to excuse their child said they were out of town or still on vacation. Hello??? Two weeks wasn't enough for y'all? That's okay. Keep them with you. Torture yourselves longer. See what I care!! We will STILL be here when you get back. Dammit.

Compare and Contrast

2010-12-07T09:41:00.000-08:00

(I had a particular rant going in a blogpost and then the computer ate it. Gone. I started to try to reconstruct it but I wasn't really mad anymore so I decided to skip it and report the following incident from today.)

We had a group of kids gang up on one child yesterday and beat him up. He's kind of a mouthy child but comes from a good family. He and his sister were checked out of school a little early yesterday and seemed fine to me but I guess when they got into the car with their mother he regaled her with the story. Mother called the Pal and wanted to know what he was going to do about it. He had no idea what she was talking about so he spent this morning and some of yesterday afternoon investigating the situation.

Apparently one of his classmates, a GIRL, got a group of boys together--and these are normally good boys-chased him around the playground and beat him up. Then she got two others to tell him that they were going to go home, get knives and guns, then kill him. Who thinks up this stuff? And a girl to boot! (I know. sometimes girls can be the very meanest but they usually gang up on their own kind.)

The two boys who threatened him were suspended. The rest of the group gathered up and sent with the vice-Pal to have a talk until the Pal got there. When I saw the group I asked, "Is this the group that that went after ...........?" It was and I said something that never makes sense, "You all should be ashamed of yourselves!" What exactly does that phrase accomplish? Anyway....When I looked at the girl she just smiled and looked at the ground. She thought it was funny!

At the time I didn't know the whole story and that the girl was the instagator. (Blogger says that's not a real word but I don't believe it.)

When the Pal went to talk to the kids and they pointed her out as the instagator she told the Pal that she "had gone home and told her dad about it last night, and I got in a lot of trouble. He yelled at me a lot and then sent me to my room for the rest of the night." The Pal said, "Really? I'm going to go call your dad right now and ask him that. Is that what he will tell me?" No answer.

When he couldn't get a hold of the dad she skipped on out of here with the most non-caring look on her face. When the dad called back and the Pal told him what happened the dad hardly said two words together. The longest sentence he uttered was "Well, she has been lying at home, lately." Aaaaaaand....? The Pal couldn't read him at all. I wonder how that will all go down when she gets home tonight.

Luckily the other children involved either had older siblings or friends that ride home with them so it wasn't 5 minutes after school when we received visits or calls from parents.

On the opposite end of the spectrum we have the sweetest boy who has been in foster care with a particular family for several years. He and his brother both. They are going to court today to see if his mother's rights will be terminated so the foster family can adopt them which they really want as this family really loves them. He has been upset all day long and I guess the brother was throwing up last night because he is upset also. Here is a family that has taken responsibility for two boys and have parented them correctly, teaching them how to be responsible citizens in the world.

That is all I have to say about that.

Micro-Managing

2010-12-02T12:44:00.001-08:00

One thing about being part of the office staff that drives us all a little crazy is micro-managing. Teachers, parents, and children think that we are the font of all knowledge and we should be able to solve all their problems while simultaneously balancing dictionaries on our noses, juggling large mail cartons, answering the phones with our toes, then bandaging and icing children in our spare time. Let me explain:

Once a month, once a month mind you--EVERY SINGLE MONTH--the PTA sponsors an assembly for the children who have read a certain amount of minutes, charted it and sent the chart back to the teacher. Of course, there will be children (like my own) who read but don't ever do the chart and don't turn it in (and I'm tired of micro-managing THAT). So they can't go to the assembly. EVERY. SINGLE. MONTH.

So knowing this, the teachers wait until the very last minute to start the same question: What are we supposed to do with the kids who didn't turn in their charts?" Every month we take bets on who will be the first person to ask this question. And every month we tell them the same thing, "Talk to each other and make that decision together." They all work on "teams". Come On! Team up.

As soon as the first questioner came forth yesterday the Pal said, "Man! I get so tired of micro-managing everything."

This morning the 4th and 5th grade went to sing in a Christmas festival we have around here called the "Festival of Trees". The kids work all fall to get their songs and costumes and instruments ready for this event. And, yes, the music teacher has been a diva in years past but this year she has been stellar. Very easy to work with. But because of past experience nobody has noticed this new behavior. She has started two after school music programs teaching guitar and voice lessons. The students who are involved in the voice lessons went to this festival, also.

No sooner had school started when one of the complainers (yes, I know she will probably read this and be unhappy but: I. Don't. Care.) came up to talk to the Pal. I stated that he was gone and she started complaining that 6 of her students were being taken out of her class to go on this field trip. BFD, people! BFD! (That's an old phrase and I'm not sure anybody even knows what that means.) I said, "So?" She wanted to know why she wasn't told, etc, etc, etc. I, quite frankly, don't think it's that big of a deal that 6 out of 32 students are gone for 1 day. 1 whole day and I told her so. I also told her that we get sick of micro-managing everything for the teachers. Hers wasn't very happy with my glib answer.

Not only that the teachers are "never" responsible for not knowing anything although a weekly memo goes into their boxes every Friday telling them what is coming for the next week and even future weeks. There is no excuse.

And how about just simply asking questions? Huh? How 'bout that? Some simple clarification and not on the day of an event.

This is my theory of the problem: In elementary school teachers have to get down to that elementary school level of thinking where each child is followed and micro-managed in order to get their assignments in and homework done. They call the parents, make the child stay in from recess, have homework folders, etc, etc. I think because teachers have to do this with their students they forget how to micro-manage themselves. You are adults people. Time to start acting like it.

That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

Perspective

2010-11-30T10:03:00.000-08:00

No school goes without sadness and tragedy including ours. Well, maybe "no school" is a slight exaggeration but really not. Of course, what is a tragedy to one is every day life to another and sometimes it takes a little perspective to knock you back on your heels and make you think.

Like this morning when I was laying awake in bed not wanting to get out of my warm covers and get ready for school, I was thinking about my youngest son not getting to Scouts AGAIN and my youngest daughter not getting to an activity that she needs to be at AGAIN and my house an unholy mess because of a combination of Christmas decorations EVERYWHERE and a late Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday and my inability to function during the holidays because I am stressed out......conclusion: I'm a horrible mother. (Which really I'm not but in the moment...) So I start talking to my husband about it and whining about my poor life (my husband is a marriage and family therapist and I figure that every so often he has to listen to me, too.) and he's not saying anything so of course I say something about that, too. He tells me that I'm just running on schedule and it gets to me about this time every year. Hm. Well, that's good to know that I'm predictable. Then he says, "If you want some perspective just come out to my first appointment...." Which is some abuse issue he was just made aware of. Lesson learned. Someone's always got it worse than you.

About 5 years ago there was a boy in the school who's mother had become a drug addict in her adult years. One night when she was running a bath for him she was also very high and passed out in the bath water. Drowned. Dead. Then the kid goes to get into the bathtub and finds his mom dead. What the crap is up with that?! And actually it turns into a good story as the dad got his life together so he could raise the boy properly. But still...!

And then the turn of events this past week. One of our little girls was in a fatal car accident with her family as they were traveling to Thanksgiving dinner in another town. Older sister was at the wheel and pulled out in front of an oncoming semi. The accident killed the older sister and their dad. Mom, brother and little girl were all severely injured. There is another older sister who had stayed at college for the holidays so was uninvolved. Thanksgiving will never be the same for this family. I was out of town and had not seen the news report but the Pal called me first thing the next morning to tell me about it and ask me questions about the girl and that was the first thing I thought, "Thanksgiving will never be the same for this family."

And so the perspective comes in. My life may seem "hard" (insert eye roll here) to me at times but in reality I have it easy, folks, as I'm sure most of you do.

Bullying Tweet

2010-11-18T08:50:00.000-08:00

"Son came home with a anti-bullying wrist band the school gave him so I immediately gave him a wedgie & knocked his homework on the floor."

Too good to not post.

I replied that hey, how else is he going to learn.

Because learning starts at home.

Cookie Dough

2010-11-16T13:13:00.000-08:00

This just in:

The school sold cookie dough for a fundraiser this year which did really well, I must say. The PTA has always helped with this fundraiser (very nice of them) which also pretty much puts them in charge (again very nice of them). The cookie dough has come, been divvied up and sent home with the little buggars to fill their orders.

Today I got a call from a nice lady wanting to know who to talk to about a problem with her cookie dough order; I gaver her the PTA President's name and phone number. Later I got the whole story.

Upper grades girl sold 2 boxes of cookie dough to a nice lady. When she delivered the cookie dough she only delivered 1 box. At the end of her delivering she discovered that she had an extra box left over. Instead of trying to figure out who the box belonged to she and her friend went home, opened the box and ate some of it. HELLOO!!

I guess the nice lady had the little girl's cell phone number (what does a child need with a cell phone, I ask you?) and called her several times but nothing was ever done. So one day she shows up at the nice ladies house with an envelope. The envelope had a note and a coupon for a FREE TACO. Yes, you read that correctly. At her wits end she called the school and that is back where we started.

When the PTA President called me she wondered if there was an upper grade child who matched a particular description and I pinned it down to one child. I called said child up and questioned her:

"Did you sell cookie dough to a lady then not drop off the entire order and then took one of the boxes home and ate some of it?" I asked.

She said, "Weeell, this is what happened. blah, blah, blah..." Because that is how I hear so much of what the kids say these days. LOL! No really. It is.

Me, "Then what did you do about the cookie dough."

Shrugged shoulders.

Me, "Didn't you take her a note with a coupon for a free taco in it?" Her eyes got really wide as she didn't think anyone would find out about that. But she said that she had indeed given a coupon for a free taco.

I said, "Tell me, how does a coupon for a free taco and a nice note equal $12.00 or a box of cookie dough?"

She said that it didn't.

I then asked the all important, "Have you told you mother about this?" Hoping that she hadn't so I could spring the news upon mom. Cause that's the kind of gal I am. She said that she couldn't remember. "Well, I'm going to call your mom and let her know about this."

So I called mom and after telling her the story mom says, (wait for it, this is unbelievable), "Well, I know that box of cookie dough is still in the fridge I could just take it over to the lady." I said, "But it has already been opened and slightly used." She didn't seem to think it was that big a deal!"You need to either pay the lady the $12.00 or take her new cookie dough," I told her.

After I humg up with her I called the PTA President back and told her what had transpired. We both got a chuckle out of it. I called said child up to the office and gave her another bo of cookie dough and told her that it needs to get to the lady today.

When people wonder where their kids get their ideals and morals from, well, take a look at yourselves. Me included.

Court

2010-11-16T09:31:00.000-08:00

Little Skinny's mom went to court about a month ago for non-compliance of attendance last year. Yes, it took 6 months for the wheels of justice to catch up but better late than never I say. She had a list of things she had to do to meet compliance including getting Little skinny to school on time every day, attending parenting classes at the school, creating a behavioral plan for Little Skinny at the school, applying for and receiving medicaid so she and Little Skinny can attend counseling at the free counseling clinic in town.

She applied for medicaid several days later, attended 1 of the 4 classes, no behavior plan, and Little Skinny's tardies have gone from 29 up until the court date to 6 as of the other day. The social worker who is over her case called me last Thursday and asked me to write a report on the whole thing for the next court date which was on Friday. I pilfered the blog, put in their real names and took out the snarky comments. Then added my own observations over the last few weeks. It was rather scathing. And long. I wondered if it was too long.

On Friday Mom came in to use the phone (because theirs are turned off) and called the social worker to make sure of the court time. While on the phone the social worker told her that she was in non-compliance. You should have seen the melt-down! That was an ugly cry--if you know what I mean. (That's what I mean by snarky comments.) She was freaking out in front of an office full of parents and kids. More to get her to calm down than wanting to help her we went over the attendance and fixed a few problems. Then I told her she needed to calm down and sent her on her way.

I guess court was late that morning and they sat around until the afternoon. When they got in front of the judge, the social worker handed her the report I had written and I guess the judge got really mad and wanted Mom to geo to jail right that minute and to send Little Skinny to foster care. Of course this is also based on the other things she hadn't done. The social worker and her compadre went to bat for Mom and they are the only reasons she didn't end up in jail that day.

Mom came here first thing--out of control bawling and smelling like a bar. Somehow in the short time since she'd gotten out of court and then driven here she had time to get pretty sloshed. We set up a time for this week to set up a behavior plan for Little Skinny and then she left.

On Monday, yesterday, she came into the office holding a little bundle of blankets. She opened up the bundle and showed me a cat that Little Skinny wanted to bring for show and tell. She kept petting the kitty really hard and telling him he was a good kitty and all sorts of other nonsense. Then she just stood there and looked at me and squirmed and squirmed and squirmed. And I wondered, "What are you on today?" Then it occurred to me that she was there for a reason and I took her into the Pal's office and we sat down and talked to her about the behavior plan/chart and explained to her that she didn't do a very good job on it last year when she was supposed to do it as a last ditch effort to keep from going to court in the first place! In the meantime she sat and squirmed and wiggled and played with the cat then announced she needed to find a job.

After she left I mentioned to the Pal how tweaked Mom was and he wondered aloud, "If she doesn't have money or a job how does she get money to buy drugs?" I simply said, "Prostitution." He said, "Why did I ask that? That's not the image I want in my head." (He's a very nice man but has lived a sheltered life.) A few minutes later he came back out of his office and said, "I have to go to my happy place now." I just laughed at him.

She came in again this morning obviously stoned again. I think it must be meth as that is cheap to get.

And that's my life. Or it's really her life. I have no doubt that his story will go into some report at some time.

Potty Talk

2010-11-01T11:25:00.000-07:00

One of the mothers in the school that reads this blog is often worried that one of her kids will appear on here. Well, today is the day!

Last week she called me to ask if her 1st grade daughter was in the office. Nope, nope, not here. She explained that she had come to pick up her kids when a friend of hers had stopped to talk to her. While talking to the friend the 1st grade daughter needed to go to the restroom and headed back into the school to use the facilities.

Mom finished talking to her friend and thinking everyone was in the car drove home. After about 10 minutes (this is about 25 minutes after school was out) she realized that her daughter hadn't made it home with her. Thus, the phone call.

As her mother was coming back to get her I called out on the loudspeaker and asked said child to come to the office. A few minutes later she came in red eyed and red faced with her oldest brother in tow. I said, "Where have you been?" She wailed, "No one would bring me any toilet paper!"

I busted! I laughed out loud and put my head down on my desk. I said,"Honey! You're on your own here. You're going to have to get your toilet paper yourself."

Her mother told me that she sat on that toilet yelling, "Won't someone please get me some toilet paper?! Please, won't someone help me?! I don't want to be here any more!"

A 4th grade student had to use the restroom but quickly came back to her teacher and told her, "I think there is something wrong happening in the bathroom. A little girl is in there yelling help me, help me." The teacher went to check it out. She asked the 1st grade daughter what was wrong and was told that No one would bring her any toilet paper. So the teacher said, "I decided that I could spare a square. And put some toilet paper under the door for her."

We were all laughing about it.

This weekend we had a party in the cul-de-sac I live in and this particular family was there. The 1st grade daughter had to use our restroom. When she came out I asked her if there was enough toilet paper in there for her. She eye rolled me then said, "Yes!" Always an adventure.

Tweets from another mother

2010-10-28T10:25:00.000-07:00

I was on Twitter last night and ran across a tweet from someone and she told me I could publish this on my blog...but....I didn't ask if I could publish her name...hmmm...

Anyway!

This was the tweet:

"I have totally convinced my 7 yo that there are cameras in the lunch room and that I KNOW that he didn't eat his apple today!!! :) <3"

I wrote, "Can I write that on my blog? That's a hoot!" I use the word hoot a lot.

She said, "YOU BET!! If you could have seen his face...I also told him I knew he only ate 1/2 of his chips. That's what got him. :)"

I wrote, "I totally do that kin of stuff to my kids but they are starting to get too old to believe me. Aaaahhh youth..."

Her last tweet was, "I just wish there *were* cameras so I could watch him walk in tomorrow and check every corner of the room. And the clock."

I'm wondering what he thinks may be in that clock. I love messing with my kids' minds. So much fun.

I'm Pretty Sure He's a Homophobe....

2010-10-25T12:05:00.000-07:00

Last week was Ribbon Week at our school. October is Ribbon Week for the US and the PTA sponsors it. How many ribbons are there? Too many to count but the main one we tout is always Red Ribbon as it promotes safety for children. There are other ribbons out there that we promote from year to year depending on what is going on in the news, etc. There is the white ribbon which promotes awareness of the problem of pornography, pink ribbon is for breast cancer, yellow ribbon is for those returning from somewhere like the military or prison, and purple ribbon which is worn in response to violence of any kine.

So last week they added purple to the mix on Wednesday. The purple ribbon was originally made in response to domestic violence but it has since been used to rally against violence of any kind like bullying, which is what we were promoting--anti-bullying not bullying; we weren't promoting bullying but the end of bullying. I think you've probably got it. Anyway.

There's always that particular jackass that gets their wires crossed and gets a hair up their wazoo and takes it to the next level.

Sooooo....the bully father of the school's biggest bullying problem came over to the school last Friday and asked to see the Pal. He's out of the office for several days at some principal's conference of boringness in a nice part of our state and I told the father as much. I could see that he had a beef and I reveled in this as I love to irritate those who deserve to be irritated. But enough about me...

He said, "I want to know who's idea it was to have purple day last week." I knew EXACTLY what he was getting at but wanted to make him squirm. I can't stand this guy.

I said, "I'm not sure but I don't understand what the problem is." He then told me to google "wear purple day". (Go ahead, google it. I'll wait.) I was so tempted to roll my eyes at him, but I didn't. I looked it up and saw what he wanted me to see and I turned back to him and said, "So?" Isn't that bitchy of me?

Then he starts talking about how he is a tolerant person and can put up with a lot in this world but he has to put his foot down when we as a school is trying to indoctrinate the children this early. I pretended not to know what he was talking about so he had to go into the explanation and make himself look like an even bigger fool which I wasn't taking for granted as entertainment at all.

So his main problem was that he didn't think it was right for the children to know about the gay, lesbian, transexual, transgender community at this age. I said, "Well, they're going to find out about it eventually but that's not what they were promoting." I explained the meaning behind the purple ribbon and that we don't discriminate against any color ribbon and that in light of the the 3 gay boys who had committed suicide lately after being bullied that the purple ribbon was being promoted a little more than usual. But our purpose in using it was to take a stand against bullies. And I wanted to add like you, your wife and your 4 monster children. But I didn't.

I swear. I would just love for that homophobe to end up with a child who comes out of the closet. That'd learn 'im.

New pictures!

2010-10-21T14:21:00.001-07:00

These are some of the newest things I've found hanging in the hallways:

This is an essay/poem of a child about himself (I have blocked out the name.) It's a very nice essay/poem. It's the accompanying picture that is the crack up.

Doesn't that look like Beavis? Kid probably has no idea who Beavis and Butt-head are.

Then there is this entry from my own child:

This is the picture that accompanies the little story:

It says that I'm saying I'll buy him a treat. Can you see the blue sweat coming off his body? Can you see the blue sweat pooling under his armpits? At first I wondered why he had drawn blue boobies on himself. hehehe.

Parenting Lessons

2010-10-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

Little Skinny (you remember Little Skinny don't you? I really need to learn how to do links to my old posts, but anyway.) was thrown and I mean thrown into the office after the first half of the kids went home the other day. She was screaming and I mean SCREAMING and kicking and flailing about like a mad woman. Her mother had dragged her down the street, two blocks, from their house with her doing this. I guess it was quite the spectacle. Imagine! (i'm laughing just thinking about it.)

Mom had brought Little Skinny back to us because quite frankly she isn't much of a parent. She loves Little skinny so much and has apparently lost another child in a custody dispute and has gone to court recently over non-compliance to State law for Little Skinny's attendance problems. We've got her signed up for Love and Logic classes we are providing at the school over the next month. I have been using Love and Logic with my own children for years and decided to give them a lesson.

So it went pretty much like this:

After Little Skinny was thrown into the office with mom in tow she bolted and tried to make a run for the door. I ran around and caught her before she could get out the door. She fell on the floor screaming and kicking: kicked her shoes off at me. I'm dodging little shoes. I finally got hold of her and took her over to the couch, put her on my lap, wrapped my right leg over her legs and held both of her arms with mine. She screamed and screamed and screamed while her mother sat on the other couch with the Pal and cried and cried and cried.

I finally let Little Skinny go and she ran to the other side of the office screaming and acting quite frankly, feral. She kept it up for a minute and then I went over to get her again. She clocked me. It wasn't that bad but it was enough for me to think, "enough is enough!" So I grabbed her by the arms, stood her up and said, "I have had enough of this. I have this little room that locks and when I put you in it no one will hear you scream. You have to the count of three to stop or you will be in that room." She stopped. Then I said, "If you start again and I get to three you will go to that room. No sit down in that chair and don't you get out of it until I tell you to." She did.

But every so often she would ramp it up again. Mostly because her mother kept trying to bargain with her. There is no bargaining with children. You give them choices not a bargaining chip. By giving them choices to choose from they feel like they have some power but really you are controlling the situation by controlling the choices. Does that make sense? Let me illustrate.

When she would ramp up I would put up a finger-the number one and she would immediately stop. After awhile she wanted to get off of the chair and go home to see her cat. So I said to her, "Well, you have two choices: you can continue to sit in the chair and scream or you can get off the chair and go home to see your cat." She didn't want to do either. She wanted a third choice--her own..which I can't remember right now what that was. I told her that that wasn't a choice and told her the two choices again. She sat and glared at me for quite awhile. I returned the stare--not glaringly, and waited for a minute then restated the two choices. She would shake her head and put her hands over her ears and start screaming (she hadn't stopped screaming by the way) then I would put up a finger and her hands would drop off her ears quickly. This went on for a few minutes.

In the meantime, I said to her mother, "Do you know how I got her to sit in that chair and when she starts screaming she stops?" She wanted to know. So I told her I would put Little Skinny in the Autistic time out room if I got to three for any reason and she was to sit in that chair and she wasn't allowed to get out of it. I thought the Pal was gonna get mad at me later for using the time out room for that but later when she was ramping up again he said, "Little Skinny, you will go into the time out room like Mrs. Wampumqueen said if you don't stop now." To which she replied, "Mr Pal, I thought you were the nice one. Now I hate you, too." I just had to laugh at that.

However, once he said that she immediately stopped and made her choice. She wanted to get out of the chair and go home to see her cat. Then I said, "You can get out of that chair now."

Oh, Oh, Oh! I forgot about the bandaid. She had hurt herself and was acting like it was a mortal wound and wanted a bandaid for it. I wouldn't get it for her until she completely calmed down and asked nicely. At first she would ask then it was , PLEASE!, you know, but not very nicely and I refused to get that bandaid. After the Pal told her she would go to the time out room she calmed down and was able to ask me for a bandaid nicely (which was part of the choices also). Then when I got her the bandaid and put it on her I asked her one more time if she was ready to make her choice.

She was much more humble then. When it was time to walk home she just about fell apart again because she was so tired. So I offered to drive them home.

After work I went home and took a nap.

That is all.

Integrity: Mine!

2010-10-12T10:47:00.000-07:00

Last week there was a fight down the hall during recess. I went to find out what was going on and how it was being resolved by the aide which, by the way, it wasn't but I won't go into that here. While I was finding out who was saying what to whom and who was doing what to whom a group of girls came into the hall. They had been outside at lunch recess and actually had no business being inside the school. Once we got the problem with the boys resolved to the point that I knew who to drag to the assistant Pal we started walking down the hall with the two boys but soon realized that this group of girls was trailing behind.

I stopped and asked the girls what they needed. I was told and shown an elbow that needed a bandaid. I told the girl who needed the bandaid that she could go down the hall to the office and get her bandaid. All of them proceed to start walking down the hall because the aide told them they could ALL go. Like I want all those kids in the hall and like Bossy wants all those kids in the office with her. So I tell them that hurt elbow may go but the rest of them needed to go outside. The aide then tells them that ONE of them could go--hurt elbow's sister. I said, "NO. They all need to go outside and she can go get her bandaid." The sisters turn around and proceed to walk down the hall. I was still trying to get the boys down to the assistant Pal and getting mighty frustrated so I went to the girls, put my hand on the sister's shoulder, turned her around and directed her and her friends back down the hall. I proceeded to send hurt elbow down to the office and get the boys into the assistant Pal's room.

I was going back up to the office a minute later when hurt elbow was coming down the hall. I stopped, inspected the bandaiding and we both continued on our way.

A little while later I was sitting at my desk, the first half of the school was gone, when the phone rang. I was on another line so Bossy answered it. I got off the phone right after she picked up the phone I heard my name and she asked if the person wanted to talk to me to which they apparently replied no. She forwarded the call to the Pal's voice mail. When she got off the phone it was Hurt Elbow and sister's mom screaming that I had grabbed the sister by the arm, twisted her arm behind her back then shoved her down screaming all the time to go outside. There were a bunch of kids standing there when this had all gone down plus another adult and those two little..... girls went home and told their mother a bald-faced lie about me. Not only that but this was the second time they had done so!

I was so taken back and heartsick about it so I called the mom and tried to clarify what the girls had told her and let her know that they had exaggerated and then she said, "This is the second time you have called my girls liars. I'm calling the district if the Pal doesn't call me back and I never want to speak to you again." Then hung up on me.

She's a loud, tall bully. And she thinks that if she yells loud enough and gets in your face enough that you will back down. She clearly hasn't dealt with me before. I'm not bully-able. I grew up in the house of a bully and always stood my ground. I also know how kids of bullies work and how they can get their parents riled up to go at it with those the kids think have dissed them.

Anyway, she showed up on the last day of our Parent teacher Conferences, stood in the hallways and yelled about the "incident" which had grown in proportion to what she had first been told. She told it to the teachers, the parents, the PTA. I just shook my head because anybody who knows me knows that it couldn't have happened. I had to bring my own children back to the school for Parent Teacher Conferences after Office hours. I guess she saw me in the hall and from what she told the Pal, "turned around and went the other direction because she was the bigger person." In the meantime I had mentioned it to the Pal and the assistant Pal only.

I guess she sat in his office and called for my job resignation for 45 minutes. The girls were in there with him and when he questioned them they admitted that they had exaggerated and yet she was very sure that I should have been fired as I should have never put my hands on her children. "A teacher should never touch a student, " she told him. "Never? Not even to give them a pat on the back or a hug or to turn them around when they are going the wrong way?" he asked. In the end she calmed down and told him that she didn't want him to fire me (like that was going to happen) and that she was going to let it slide this time.

I can't help giving her kids the cold shoulder, though. I want to jeer at them and ask them what the hell they were thinking but I really am going to be the bigger person and let it go. However, I really wouldn't mind having a go at the mom. Really. I'm small but I'm scrappy.

Lunchladies

2010-09-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

I love to tease our lunchladies. The food is pretty good here. I've never minded lunchroom food.

There are a few funny lunchlady skits and characters on TV that I have laughed at and shared with our lunchladies over the last few years. Two of my favorites are Lunchlady Doris from the Simpson who smokes while she is cooking and always has a one inch ash hanging from her cigarette. Plus, because of district downsizing she also is the school nurse from time to time.

[Willie has been ordered to pursue Santa's Little Helper through the vents]
Groundskeeper Willy: Lunchlady Doris, have you got any grease?
Lunchlady Doris: Yes. Yes, we do.
Groundskeeper Willy: [rips off his clothes] Then grease me up, woman!
Lunchlady Doris: ...Okey-dokey.

Another funny character is Adam Sandler's Lunchlady Blues with Chris Farley as the Lunchlady.

I'm going to post the link and I hope the district I work in lets it post. Stupid district.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iP-dbTvwrYs&feature=youtube_gdata_player

We had sloppy joes for lunch the other day and I always sing this song to them. They just look at me like I watch too much TV. Who can say how much is too much?

Kid sayings

2010-09-24T14:13:00.000-07:00

It was suggested I blog some of my favorite school related tweets:

"Child came out of the restroom and announced that he just discovered he has a hole in his butt. The teacher hoped he had washed his hands."

On a brighter note...Kindergarten vision screening today. On the way out a darling little guy said, "Thanks, Mrs......Nurse!"

After child was squirted in the face with water, "Stop squirting my lucky sideburn!' He only has one, apparently.

Different ways I've heard backpack today: Packack, ackack, packpack, backack, backback, backack, ackpack. And of course, just backpack.

Kid threw up this morning. When I called mom she asked if it was a little or a lot. Told her that it didn't mater he was going home. Mad.

Excuse me parents for the interruption: when your child has diarrhea, please keep them home. Sending them to school doesn't make it stop.

When naming your child think...Is it a potential stripper name? Like Bambi? Yes, Bambi. Kid doesn't stand a chance.

This one's about my own child going to school but it's way funny: Made oldest daughter walk to the bus instead of taking her to school. She was mad. Then it started to pour rain. Hope everything went well

Hung over, still slightly drunk mom just brought her kid to school. Two Hours. Late. And tried to blame it on the child. #AA

Just heard in the 1st grade boys' restroom: Yahoo! My penis is out!" He was holding himself as he ran past me-must've really had to go.

Lunch lady just brought around fresh cinnamon rolls. What am I supposed to do? Not eat it? Nooooo....I couldn't do that!

Child just told me that I should buy her a dog for her birthday. Next week.. This is so sudden...I'm not ready for that kind of commitment.

Funny stuff.

Walking Funny

2010-09-23T13:06:00.000-07:00

A first grader was being escorted up the hall by his teacher a few minutes ago. He was holding onto his crotch and walking bent over. I wondered, Did he throw up? Did his stomach hurt? Did someone knee him in the nuts? I was puzzled.

This particular first grader has a permanent scowl on his face and doesn't want to do anything that is not exclusively his idea. His mother signed him up for this really cool after school program where the kids build then let off their own rockets. Wouldn't go. He came in to the office because no one had picked him up one day and I called the daycare to come and get him. They reminded me that his mother had signed him up for the program. When I hung up the phone I asked him why he didn't go and he said because he didn't want to. I narrowed my eyes and told him to get down there right now. I said that if his mother paid for something then he was going to attend it. He started going and decided he liked it. Up until then he hadn't attended it once.

Anyhow. He had peed his pants. This is how it was discovered: A little girl went to the teacher and said, "I need to tell you something in private. The boy peed his pants." The teacher said, "When did that happen?" The girl said, "I don't know! I didn't stand there and watch him do it." When asked why he didn't ask to use the restroom he replied, "Because I didn't want to." And thus, it happened.

Teachers

2010-09-22T09:38:00.000-07:00

It rained. A little. And it was during *gasp* morning recess. I said to Bossy, "Let's take bets on how long it will take for one of them to call." Meaning, of course, the teachers. About 5 seconds later the phone rang, "Is it in or out recess?" I said, "I'm going to leave it up to you." I got on the intercom and said, "It is raining....a little....we are going to leave it up to you whether or not you will take your classes out."

Then we took bets on who would be the first one up here complaining about the situation. We were both right as we bet on the same person. We have this man teacher who is whinier than the women teachers. "Who is going to watch the kids?! I have recess duty and I'M not going out there. So you better get on the intercom and tell them that they have to take out their own kids." I just looked at him with my best "shut-uppa-yo-face" look and turned back around to what I was doing.

There were no more calls on the intercom. There were no more teachers that came up. There were no more calls on the phone. As predicted they figured it out. Sometimes the teachers are so used to being around kids and telling them what to do that they don't know how to do something without being told what to do themselves. It's okay to take some initiative, folks.

Living at the School

2010-09-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were little and you never saw your teacher outside of the school so you assumed that he/she just lived there? I know I've discussed this in an earlier blog post so I won't go back over that but it's almost the same with the parents, too. Yesterday, I took the day off to can tomatoes and whatever else I could fit into a bottle. I never am as prepared as I think I am and had to go to the grocery store to get a couple of things. I was standing in the aisle when someone said hello to me. I turned and was faced with a mom and her child who is a kindergarten student at the school. She was looking at me kind of like "what are you doing here?" and I had to quickly explain why I had taken the day off. She still looked at me like "What are you doing here?" but whatever.

I just read over what I typed and it occurred to me that "I had to quickly explain" makes me look like I felt guilty which I didn't and don't. I am bound to run into kids and their parents at the store when I live and shop in the same area as the rest of the school.

Anyhow, one of the teachers just came and told us a similar story: She had taken a personal day off last Friday as her sister had flown in to visit family. She ran into one of her student's mother in the mall and when talking to her said, "Where's your boy?" The mom said, "He's at school." But then looked at her like "Why aren't you?" The teacher quickly said, "I took a personal day because my sister flew into town."

We both mentioned that we thought kids were the only ones who thought we lived at the school.

Now That's a Good Girl

2010-09-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I passed a kindergarten boy and noticed his shoe was untied. I asked him if he wanted me to tie his shoe for him and he did, of course. A few minutes later he came running back to me because his other shoe had become untied and he asked if I could tie it also. I was down on my knee tying his shoe while talking to one of the aides that was standing there when I feel the top of my hair being ruffled and fluffed by someone and this little voice saying to me, "Hi, Teacho! How are you today?" I looked up to this cute little guy smiling at me and I said, "I'm great. How are you? Thank you for touching my hair."

The aide surmised that I was at just the right level for him. And that's what we do to them: Ruffle their hair and ask them how they are doing.

A Weapon at School

2010-09-10T08:27:00.000-07:00

RolyPoly had herself quite the day yesterday. Because she has no social skills and because her parents are apparently without the skills enough to teach her she is a constant amusement and delight for us. I'm being sarcastic if you couldn't tell.

She thinks everyone, especially boys, are being mean to her. One of our 6th grade teachers happened to look out her window yesterday while she was teaching and saw a "girl wielding a weapon at a bunch of boys." She described the weapon as a 12 inch long knife like a machete. She called me and described the girl as "you know, that girl that gives the vice-Pal so much trouble in the lunch room." There are so many to choose from but I said, "You mean the the fat one? RolyPoly?"

I found the vice-Pal and she went to find RolyPoly who was back in class by this time. I had to go see what happened because that's the kind of gal I am--a busy body. When she brought her in she showed me the "weapon". It was a broken piece of plastic from the side of a plastic "in" basket about 12 inches long. It did look like a machete.

The 6th grade teacher said that she was waving it around her head like she was Indiana Jones or something. Too much television for that child.

Allergy

2010-09-08T07:55:00.000-07:00

One of the 5th grade classrooms was doing a scientific experiment this morning---I'm not sure what it was but that's not important. One of the kids decided to be a smarty pants and told the teacher, "I'm H2O intolerant." She thought it was funny. Of course, it's a line from Finding Nemo but from this kid it makes it even more funny.

When he was in kindergarten he DID NOT want to come to school. His mother would bring him to school and he would run up and down the kindergarten hall screaming his head off. I mean screaming. Not shouting. She would catch him and hold him down while he would scream. Finally we told her she would have to leave and we would take care of him. Eventually, every day they would get him into class. By about the 6 month of school he stopped doing this. 6 months.

It only got a little better over the next few years. 3rd grade was a spectacular year for him. I only remember him doing the freak out thing once or twice at the beginning of the school year. But last year he went ballistic.

He was going through a "dirty" period in his life wherein he refused to bathe and wanted to wear the same clothes every day. At night his mother would sneak into his room and wash his clothes so he didn't kill everyone at school with his rankness. On top of that he didn't want to come to school and would strip down naked in the mornings so he wouldn't have to come. Luckily his mother had a few big guys around her that would get him dressed and into the car. She would drive him to school where he would have already taken off all of his clothes again and be screaming his head off.

We have a couple of autistic classrooms here that have "time-out rooms" where the teachers have to put some of their more violent students. Well, we'd get 3 or 4 people on him and haul him down to one of those tiny time out rooms where he'd proceed to have a major freak out. We only had to do that a few times then we only used it as a threat if he wouldn't stop. But he'd arrive pretty much naked so the Boss would go out there and say something like, "You can come in nicely or you can come in and go into the "time-out" room.

By the last couple of months he was doing better. You know, he was never embarrassed by the whole thing. He was "madder than hell and not going to take it anymore"! I would ask him every so often if he was embarrassed by this or did his friends give him any crap about it but no. Not at all. When adults have a freak out don't they usually get embarrassed? I know I do.

Sick kids

2010-09-07T07:20:00.000-07:00

How many of you send your kids to school sick? I know I do. Of course, to my kids this means that every school day is a day to be sick. On a daily basis at least one of my kids will say to me, "Mom I don't feel good. Can I stay home?" The answer is usually a resounding no. When I was a kid I had to go to school and throw up there before my mom would let me stay home. Church, too, but this blog isn't about church. I remember only a few times being really sick enough to stay home from school and I AM a better person for it. I push through an illness and get the job done. Unless, I throw up. Then I stay home

However, as an adult and secretary at an elementary school I can't tell you how many times a kid gets sent to school already, obviously sick and then we get to handle it.

Last week we had two different kids get sent to school with a case of diarrhea. Both had accidents and we had to call the parents to come get them from us. I was shocked when I called the first parent to report this and the parent said, "I thought that when he went to school that he would be okay. I told him to make sure to run to the bathroom and not even ask the teacher if he could go." Are you kidding me?! Then I was just mad when I heard the same thing from the next parent.

If your child has some kind of chunky fluid flowing forth from bodily orifices that are not ordinarily supposed to be there ie. diarrhea or vomit, (or I could say a green boogy nose but some kids ALWAYS have a green boogy nose) don't send them to school. Sending them to school with illnesses does NOT make the illness go away.

There are times when I child goes to school feeling fine but then they start to feel yucky through the day. Hey, I understand that. It happens to all of us. But if they are sick at home then keep them at home. For 24 hours after the symptoms stop.

The school nurse, who is only here on Mondays, has this great sign that I try to abide by: If it's warm, wet and not yours, don't touch it!" I plan on continuing in this way.

Meltdown

2010-08-30T14:38:00.000-07:00

The first graders are a hoot! I've mentioned it before but the first couple of weeks is so hard on them. They go from half day kindergarten where they have one sweet teacher, their own little fenced in playground, a bathroom in their classroom and they only go in and out one door. Not to mention now they have to face "The Lunchroom" with a brave face. It takes them a couple of weeks to get used to it and maybe a month for the slower ones.

I remember when all my kids were in first grade they would come home for the first two months and the smallest thing would set them off and they would sit and bawl. They were so tired! It is mentally and emotionally draining on them. Not to mention they were away from their moms longer, etc. All my kids took naps whether self-motivated or me-motivated for the first couple months because I just couldn't stand to listen to them howl.

Today in the lunchroom we had a first grader meltdown. I didn't hear it but I had several people ask me what had happened. So, because I'm always curious (read: busybody) I went to the lunchroom and asked the lunch manager what had happened. She said that this first grader had just started yelling and screaming and freaking out. I kind of laughed then went out to the lunchroom to see if I could see him. He was sitting by himself at a table with his head down (20 minutes later) just a-bawling.

I went over to him and sat down next to him and asked him what was wrong. "Everybody is staring at me!" he wailed, "And they won't stop it!" I finally said, "Well, little dude, why do you think they are staring at you?" "Whaahhhh!" he screamed. I said, "Do you think they might be staring at you because you are freaking out?" He wailed, "Yes! But I don't know what to do."
I said, "Do you think you should stop?" He says, "Yes, but I don't think I can." So I asked him to try an old anxiety technic of deep breathing. "I don't know if it will work!" he yelled. "Can you try?" I asked. He just didn't think that he could.

I talked to a few people after I left him and they had all asked him the same thing and had received the same response. Poor little guy! He was so pathetic and sad that it was quite humorous.

Drunk Mommies

2010-08-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

We have this situation--well, we have more than a few--wherein a child is living with a drug or alcohol dependent parent. Most of the parents get their children here on time or are able to function well enough despite their dependencies but some of them don't do well at all.

Take for instance, Little Skinny. Mom is drug or alcohol dependent (the neighbors say it's alcohol) and is stoned all. the. time. A local church in our area took her on as a project and got her a job, helped her out with rent and some food. She has been in a program or two but I think her life is so messed up that she can't get off of it and stay off of it.

She has been married to a guy with who she had Little Skinny. He beat up mom and went to prison for it but gets out every so often then gets thrown back in jail for parole violation. In the meantime she has remarried a new guy who she drinks or does drugs with regularly. I don't think he's the beating kind but you never know.

All last year Little Skinny had troubles getting to school on time or not at all. We would have mom come in for conferences on how to increase her attendance and decrease her tardiness. It would work for a short while then go back to the norm. We even sent her to court--yes, we can do that-- to try to make our point. In the meantime mom tells Little Skinny that it is her fault that she is late and tries to get us to believe it also.

Today she brought Little Skinny in at 10:15. School started at 8:00. She tried to blame it on the girl all the while looking like hell and wearing dark glasses. It's a cloudy dark day out there. No need for the dark glasses.

Just a quick note on Little Skinny--she's a bright child. Very smart, good reader. As many men as her mother has had in her life and house I can't not think that she has been assaulted in some way. But maybe she's one of the lucky ones.

A Day of Firsts

2010-08-25T13:05:00.000-07:00

It's going very smoothly today (knock on wood--we actually do). Lunch time is the right time for drama, however. Not interpersonal drama between the kids, it's more like first day back jitters type of drama.

The first was a CUTE little red headed girl who went up to the Pal in the lunchroom and told him with tears in her eyes and a red face that she couldn't eat her lunch because she was so sick. He's a softy so he brought her down to me. After I got her calmed down I had her call her mom and leave a message. She laid down for a minute then I talked to her about what was wrong. She was put into a class wherein she had no friends and it was "too hard on her". I told her that her friends would be coming to lunch right after she did and she could play with them on the playground at lunch recess. The thought had never occurred to her. As soon as we walked in she found her friends and they went outside to play. She was just darling!

A few minutes ago a fourth grade student came in red-eyed and red-faced because he had lost his lunch box. You know, he had that cry with a stitch in it when they take a breath it shakes their whole body. So cute. So sad. He had lost his lunchbox. This happens a lot. The teachers take a tote to the lunchroom when the class walks down there and the kids are supposed to put their lunchboxes, toys, coats, etc in it for recess. We surmised that he had probably put it in the wrong tote and assured him that if he looked in all the totes tomorrow he would find it.

I went into the lunchroom near the close of lunch and it wasn't too bad. Our major problem at the beginning of the year is getting the 1st graders to clean up after themselves. They are used to mom bussing their table for them. We have a sign in the faculty room that reads "Your mom doesn't work here. Clean up after yourselves." That's what we teach them. For some children it takes awhile until they fully get it.

At one table there was a large mess left from some child. I went over to inspect it and see who the perpetrator was. It was the Roly-Poly. Who is the Roly Poly, you ask? She is an interesting child. Her parents were in their late 40's when they decided to start having children thus dad was 50 when she was born. She is a large, round, round, round child. Round eyes in a round face in a round head on a round body. Round. Do you get the picture? Overfed and under disciplined. She is quite literally a bull in a china closet. She and her little sister don't play with any other children and they are allowed to act, eat and do anything they want.

I watched her with her new 1st grade teacher in the hall this morning as the teacher was taking the class around visiting parts of the school they may not have become familiar with during their kindergarten year. She left the group to go look at something else and the teacher came over, grabbed her by the wrist and hauled her back to her place in line. Which she promptly left and went somewhere else to sit and pout. The teacher went to grab her by the wrist again and a fight ensued with little, round arms flailing about. What a hoot! But she went back into the line.

I have a feeling that I will be blogging about Roly-Poly quite often.

Can't Take the Heat

2010-08-18T16:19:00.000-07:00

The air conditioning in our office has been out for two weeks. I've only had to deal with it for the last 3 days but Bossy has been in that hotbox for the last week and a half. We have a fan going in the office but it doesn't do more than blow the warm air around. And the office machines don't help matters. Two computers, a copy machine, two large printers, and the fax machine are running non-stop so there is no chance of it cooling down during the day. Luckily the other four copy machines and printers are in another room altogether or we'd be toast.

We put in a work order two weeks ago when we were told the district maintenance couldn't fix it and we'd have to call an AC contractor. Which we have a few times. Finally, some dumb butt from the district decided to come over today. He didn't know what he was doing. The first thing he said is that his guys had been up on the roof all morning trying to work on it--didn't hear them. Then, he says that the padlock wasn't from the district so he couldn't open it with his master key--we used our master key to open it. And then, he blusters about how hot it is and he has 87 schools to take care of--there are 72--and how some of them are around 82 degrees inside and we shouldn't be whining. He had little man's disease. Sorry to any of my short man friends.

They got it working long enough for the timer to go off and shut down for the rest of the day. Once next Wednesday rolls around and school starts it better be working. That's the day when many angry parents come in wondering why their exceedingly smart child isn't in the gifted program, or Sally can't be in the same class as Jane, or Johnny needs to change start times. The hot air will really start rising and we will be in a literal hell.

Literally.

First day back....

2010-08-16T15:15:00.000-07:00

I've decided, since last year didn't end so well that I am going to be nicer this year. Of course, I can say that now because I've had a great summer full of wonderful, relaxing memories and am ready to take on a new year. But I have got to be nicer to the patrons and maybe to the stupider of the teachers otherwise my job may be in jeopardy. Well, no one has said that nor have they intimated that I may be otherwise employed but I get into trouble a lot. My mom told me that she can't believe some of the things I get away with saying at school and she doesn't know how I still have a job.

I have to say that for the most part I am a happy, smiley, well-rounded, helpful person. Okay, maybe not smiley per se but I feel that my appearance shows a good attitude. However, I just can take only so much of others' ignorance and poor behavior before I want to throttle them. Luckily we have large windows in the office that allows us to view who is coming and going. There have been times that I will see a particular person coming and will get up and leave Bossy to deal with it because she can handle the situation better.

During the first year I worked as a secretary there was this woman that we called Grandma, my husband referred to her as Big Blue. She had these two grandsons in the school that were emotionally immature and.....there was something definitely wrong with them. The last school these children attended had a restraining order against Grandma because she was harassing the secretaries and had become verbally and physically abusive in the school. She came in one day to complain about something stupid that had happened with one of the grandsons and I listened politely and tried to explain the way things worked at the school, blah, blah, blah. She wasn't interested in policy but WAS interested in verbal fisticuffs. Bring it on, Big Blue! She told me I was ugly. And that I was the rudest person she had ever talked to and some other stuff. Bossy saw what was going to happen and was able to grab me as I started to go over my desk after her. The Pal heard what was going on and he came out. He ordered her out of the school while I yelled that we knew she had a restraining order on her at the last school and we could have it extended at to our boundaries--this while I was being dragged down the back hall. I was not allowed to wait on her for a very long time after that. BTW--she eventually was arrested for shoplifting and had to serve jail time. HA!

Aaaahhhhh....good times.

Anyway, we ran the gamut of crazy today. I've had a headache for most of the day that a full octane Dr. Pepper couldn't even fix. The first person I had to deal with was "Speaking with Passion". She's nuts. I mean really nuts. And she wants to home school her poor child. But she doesn't want to do it all day she wants to do it half day. But she doesn't know what part of the day and what she wants to home school him for, etc., etc., etc. *big sigh*

Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Ice

2010-06-25T19:20:00.000-07:00

A neighbor of ours is being deployed for the 3rd time for the Iraq thingy or maybe it's the Afghanistan Thingy. Not sure which....anywho. He left today for the airport around 5:00. So the neighborhood put up flags, made signs then lined the street to send him off with our support. In his honor another neighbor suggested we have an impromptu block party and they called every person in our area to come to my house (we live in a cul-de-sac) for this party. Of course, several of the children attend the elementary school for which I work.

As I was walking around and talking to people one little girl came up to me and asked me for a piece of ice as she had hurt her finger. There was a child's wading pool full of ice, water, and drinks. I suggested to her that she go get a piece of ice out of it to use. She stood there for a minute, went over to look at the ice then returned to me and said, "I have an idea. Why don't you go into your house, get me a bag and puts some ice in it."

We always keep a supply of bagged ice in the freezer at school for the unfortunate children who hurt themselves. Bossy and I are usually dubious of most children who come in asking for ice. I've even taken a pack of ice or two away from children who are faking it. And giving ice packs usually includes one of my snarky comments like, "It'll feel better when it stops hurting."

So even at home. I'm still the secretary. Yay!

The rotating house

2010-06-02T09:41:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine lives across the street from an interesting situation that she and her sister "lovingly" refer to as the Rotating House. The mom is an old stoner chick (actually younger than me but hard living .....) who was married to an old stoner dude that produced 2 or 3 stoner children and one who isn't a stoner...yet. She is off to the junior high now.

Awhile ago the stoner dad died of an apparent drug overdose, whether it was intentional or accident was not known for awhile. That's sad and I'm not making fun of this point at all.

Let me tell you of the aftermath, though.

Stoner mom and stoner dad had separated before this and were on their way to divorce when this happened. Of course, stoner mom was all over this as far as the sympathy card goes. While this was going on she had a "renter" living in a trailer in her backyard. Almost as soon as stoner dad had died the "renter" moved in and was considered her new boyfriend. To each his own.

As it turns out stoner dad had a life insurance policy that they were able to cash in as the company finally decided that the drug overdose was accidental. She paid off her house and lives off of his disability or Social Security or whatever and the "rent".

Within no time at all the "renter" was kicked out which is okay because she had a new "renter" living in the trailer in the backyard. And on and on.

Eventually she found some guy that didn't live in the trailer in the backyard but did have a daughter who also went to the elementary school. They all moved in together and set up house as a happy new family. Until they broke up, of course.

Stoner mom would take the girls on outings to get their hair done and their nails done and buy clothes and whatever else happy families do with "disposable income". Eventually things went sour and she kicked out new boyfriend and the daughter.

I guess they left in quite a hurry because several things of the daughter's were left behind in the house. No worries, though. Potential stoner daughter picked them up and WORE THEM TO SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY. I guess the displaced daughter had left a bunch of bead necklaces behind so potential stoner daughter put them ALL ON and wore them to school. Their teacher (yes, they were in the same class) said she looked like she had been to Mardi Gras and went around shaking them at everyone. Displaced daughter blew a stack and a cat fight ensued with beads ripped off and girls screaming and hair pulled and whole nine yards.

In the meantime there is yet another boyfriend and a potential living in the trailer in the backyard.

Cisster (formerly Sister Cisst)

2010-05-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged about Cisster for quite some time. I came up with the name Cisster instead of calling her Sister Cisst. Cisster was shuttled into the office today by a 1st grade teacher because she was throwing an absolute tantrum during the yearly talent show. Red-faced, crying and very mad, she and the teacher approached Bossy's desk.

Two weeks before the annual talent show a note is sent home asking parents' permission for their child to participate in the talent show, what talent they will be showing and how long the talent would be. Apparently, Cisster had NOT shown it to her parents but had signed her father's name and then bragged about it to all of her friends (keep in mind she is now in 3rd grade). When she wasn't on the roster to perform she started to throw her fit which she does really, really well.

Bossy called home to ask Cisster's father if he had indeed signed the note and he said that he absolutely had not and that she was not to perform her "talent". Bossy told her what dad had said and Cisster stood there, stomping her feet and screaming as loud as she could that that was a lie and that her dad had signed it and that she needed to perform. It was hilarious!

Even after all this the music teacher in charge of the program said that Cisster had gone up on stage to perform anyway. She was carried off kicking and screaming. I wish I could have been there to see that.

What an unhappy little drama queen. Boy, they have a spitfire on their hands. Cisster and the Cisst in one family. WOW!

Head hurt. Head really hurt.

2010-05-27T15:23:00.000-07:00

I have the biggest headache this afternoon. Earlier in the day I tweeted "Oh. My. Hell. Can this day get any crazier? I wish I had a running video in my head so you could see the last day of school." It didn't get any better yet it got a lot more entertaining.

We have the worst 6th grade this year. About every 3 years we get a bunch of kids that goes through 6th grade that we just want to KILL! And I imagine the word KILL with daggers and blood and maybe a few bullets thrown in for good measure. This is one of those years.

During the last week of school I take all the 6th grade cumulative folders to the junior high. I usually give them a short synopsis of the group coming in. I know the administration there as I have worked with them for several years. I stopped to see the vice-principal in charge of behavior problems and told him flat out, "I just wanted to let you know they are shits." He wasn't as grateful for the heads up as I thought he should be as he told me that they were just getting rid of the shits we sent them 3 years ago. (They are going on to the high school.)

Yesterday we had a particular child running around the school long after he was supposed to have gone home. I hauled him in and told him that if he appeared at school again after school is over that I would be calling the po-po for trespassing. Today after school he was back. I didn't see him but several girls saw him and two of his buddies who weren't supposed to be out of school walking along the outside of the school grounds. I called them in.

Story goes like this:

Me: (to boy #1) We talked about this yesterday. You were not supposed to be back at school after school was over. And (to boy #2 & 3) why are you two outside the school property.

Boy #2: I hurt my knee and I stayed home from school today.
Boy #3: And I hurt my ankle.

Me: Well, you look fine to me. They must not hurt too bad as you are up and walking around and trespassing on school property.

I called the parents of boy #2: Hello, I'm wondering if your sons absence is excused today.

Fat, bug-eyed (like a serious hyperthyroid condition), long haired, stoner mom (seriously, she goes to a methadone clinic each day and smokes pot on the side)(do you get the picture?): Oh yes. He is so sick. He's at home throwing up and has a terrible fever.

Me: Really? He sitting here in the office and he looks pretty healthy to me.

Mom: What?

Me: Yeah. In fact when I asked him why he was absent today he told me that he had hurt his ankle.

Mom: He's supposed to be home right now. I'm coming to get him right now.

Me: Okay. But he won't be able to go home with you until he talks to the police. I just called to have them talk to the boys about trespassing.

Boy #1's mom was at the school (Nice woman. Really like her. Really tries hard. Don't like Boy #1, though). Boy #2's phones have all been disconnected. I really like this kid and think he has potential but he keeps hanging out with losers.

Anyway, stoner mom of Boy #3 gets to the school, barrels into the office shouting in her loud, 35 year cigarette smoking voice that : You two are DONE! You are in so much trouble!

And I'm thinking: Whatashow...This will last until they get to the corner where she can get her next fix.

She's yelling at him and then the other boys and then she starts yelling at me. Basically, she had been caught in a HUGE lie. Lying for her kid so he doesn't have to go to school and then losing track of him and getting caught. It was a hoot! She starts yelling about him being sooo sick and I shoot off something like: Yeah, he looks fine to me for someone who's been throwing up and running a fever. She yells: I took him to the doctor! I have proof! I asked her: Then why didn't he tell me that? Why did he tell me he had hurt his ankle?

Mom yells: I'm taking my children out of this school. I have had it!

The thing about that is we are a closed district. You can't just take your child to any school you want. You have to get permission from the other school and usually there are red flags that the secretaries see (the secretaries know ALL) and will let the principal know. She's already tried this route about 4 weeks ago and when the other school turned her down (because they saw the red flags and called me) she then called the district and the district wanted to know what all the hullabaloo was about. When the Pal told the district who the family was then there was no more question. Turned down flat!

Mom finally had had it. Decided that her son wasn't trespassing and hauled him out of there. When the po-po got there the Pal gave the officer the info and came back into the school. I said: Do you want to kill me? He said: *Sigh* No. I'll bet he'll be glad that tomorrow is only a 1.5 hour "instruction" (and I use that term loosely) day.

Bad parenting. What a hoot!

Head hurt. Head really hurt. --Long Duck Dong (Pretty in Pink)

Transgender?

2010-05-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

A little story from 2nd grade:

Teacher: "Class, tomorrow we are going to clean our classroom."

Boy: "Can we wear maid's outfits."

Teacher: "What?"

Boy: "You know. A French maid outfit. With the black skirt and the feather duster."

Teacher: "Noooo.... Just wear jeans."

Teacher to herself: "What are they letting this kid watch?"

C-C-C-C-CAT FIGHT!

2010-05-26T10:50:00.000-07:00

We had our annual 6th grade vs. staff game today. It has always been softball which is awesome because it is the one time of year I get out there and play. (I should join a league--just for fun....anyway. Enough about ME.) Because the adults are bigger, stronger, and better at team sports we always win. And we don't just win we whoop their butts! Like the score will be 10 to 35 in our favor.

The kids trash talk every year. "The teachers cheat, the teachers pad the score, the umpire is on the teachers' side (as it is usually a staff member), etc, etc." Last year we used our drug prevention officer from the local police department as our umpire. He had on all his police gear because he was on duty and actually got a call towards the end of the game. Today he was not on call and was in plain clothes but still brought his awesome car. I didn't think he looked so intimidating.

We let the kids keep score this year. Still didn't matter, though. I don't know what the final score was but we whooped their butts! I suggested to the Pal maybe next year doing mixed teams for a game then on another day playing 6th against staff just so that we would still feel superior.

Anyway....

During the game one or our whiny, always-a-victim 6th graders came over to her teacher during the game just a bawlin', holding her face, red-eyed and red-faced and all I did was roll my eyes and turn my back on her as I didn't have time for THAT drama and was sure I would hear about it later. Every time I came off the field she would be standing there telling another teacher about her injustice and bawling like it had just happened. No one felt sorry for her.

After the game I was cleaning up all the crap kids leave strewn around and I noticed that the bawler's stoner mom was talking to the teacher while the bawler was sitting against the backstop still doing her thing. I wondered how mom had moved so fast to get her.....but I digress. Another girl was told to come stand by me and when she did I said to her, "So what happened?" She said, "I slapped her." Very plainly. No drama. My first thought was, "Oh good for YOU." But that's not what I said. Instead I said, "Ooooh. Hmm." I asked what led to that and she told me that she had found a very large, very long worm and had been putting it on people or putting it in their faces. She felt the urge to place it on the bawler, who in turn threw it back at her, who in turn threw it back at the bawler, who started getting agitated and freaking out. So she then slapped her.

Today the 6th grade went to see a movie for which their teachers paid. They walked down to the local town $1 movie theatre. These two girls did not get to go. The bawler bawled even louder and her mother checked her out (which is another pet peeve) but the slapper, whose mother happened to show up at the school about 15 minutes later, did not. She made her stay here and take her punishment.

I did, to the side, say to the slapper, "She (the bawler) can never take what she dishes out. But you didn't hear that from me." Of course now it's in the blog. How can I deny it? Oh yeah! It's anonymous.

Foxworthy

2010-05-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

I don't know if this is real or a parody but it sure is funny:

Jeff Foxworthy on School Employees

* YOU might be a school employee if you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.
* YOU might be a school employee if you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off."
* YOU might be a school employee if it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered.
* YOU might be a school employee if you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail....anything!!! Without ever looking outside.
* YOU might be a school employee if you believe, "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on a report card.
* YOU might be a school employee if you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
* YOU might be a school employee if when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
* YOU might be a school employee if you have no social life between August and June.
* YOU might be a school employee if you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
* YOU might be a school employee if you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce.
* YOU might be a school employee if you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge."
* YOU might be a school employee if you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the U-HAUL boxes should they decided to move out of district.
* YOU might be a school employee if you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
* YOU might be a school employee if you can't imagine how the ACLU could think that covering your students chair with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public.
* YOU might be a school employee if meeting a child's parent instantly answers this question, "Why this kid is like this?"
* YOU might be a school employee if you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference.
* YOU might be a school employee if you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons...and desks and chairs for that matter!
* YOU might be a school employee if the words "I have college debt for this?" has ever come out of your mouth.
* YOU might be a school employee if you know how many days, minutes, and seconds are left in the school year.

Bossy's son (who also works for the district) sent this to me yesterday after my rant.

You got some 'splainin to do!

2010-05-24T13:56:00.000-07:00

It is officially the last week of school. Three and a half days left until the little buggars are free to the world and to bother their mothers all summer long for popsicles and sleep overs. Nothing out of the ordinary has been happening over the last few days. Toilet paper is still being thrown in the restrooms, kids are still hitting each other, a few broken bones and bloody noses are par for the course. I have no fodder.

Until today. While making thousands of copies and cutting paper in half to send home with each of the little darlings to hand over to their mothers of which 65% of them might do and then maybe 65% of the mothers will actually read and compute what they are given.....I came up with a new idea: My pet peeves!

Let's start with the phone. Before I came to work here there were two crabby secretaries that scared teacher and patron alike. They couldn't be cheerful or helpful without a sneer to save their lives. One of the qualifiers to receiving this job was how I answered the phone. They even called me on my cell phone to hear how I answered it. I have to have a pleasant voice, never yell and use good manners. When I answer this is what I say, "______ Elementary. This is Mrs. _______, how may I help you?" Not kidding. Every time. We have caller ID so If I know who it is calling and I when know that it's for me I just answer with a simple "Hello".

So, pet peeve numero uno: Interrupting me in the middle of my spiel because you are too rude to wait for my courteous greeting. Hate that! Not only interrupting me but when I continue with my spiel you continue to talk because you are soooo important.

While we are on the subject of the phone, pet peeve number two-o: Calling the school and while the phone is ringing and I am answering with my greeting you are yelling at your children or talking to your friend in the car or ordering food at the drive-thru. Then when I stop talking and wait for you to finish your conversation with someone else you will finally come back to me and say, "Hello?! Is this _______ Elementary!?" Like I'M the idiot.

Oh, oh! Here's another one, pet peeve number three-o: After my carefully stated and pronunciated greeting you ask, "Is this _______ Elementary?" quoting a different school name in the district or asking if it is the school. Or even, "Who is this? Who am I calling?" Hello, People! YOU called ME. You should have the common courtesy to PAY ATTENTION!

Let's move onto why I came up with this idea in the first place: making copies. I don't mind making copies. In fact I'm rather good at running all the machines in the office. I fix them from time to time, also, and usually we don't have to call a repairman because I can do it. (Read the instructions and you can do anything. Brilliant!) People, let me explain to you that your children attend an elementary school in a large district in an area with many, many, many children thus many, many, many programs. You have to read the notes!

Thus, pet peeve numero cuatro (that's four for those of you who have never used Google Translate or taken a beginning Spanish class or even heard your 5 year old repeat what they hear on the playground): Parents not reading notes.

This is a many sentenced peeve and so deserves it's own paragraph. Yes, you get a lot of notes from the office, teachers, PTA, district, city, and other programs. Read them, DAMMIT! Come on! Do you know how much time you could save yourself and myself if you would just read the notes?! Yes, I know some notes are multiplied by 2 or 3 or 4 or 10 depending on how many children you have in the school but that is to make sure you get the note and thus the information. For instance, "Mrs. ______, I want to buy a yearbook for Johnny." The yearbook sale was over two weeks ago, I'm sorry." I say. Johnny's mom says, "I didn't get any notes home about that." I say, "Really? Hmmm.." faking concern, then the whammy, "You didn't get one of the three notes that we sent home over the course of the week and you didn't see the announcement on the marquee, and you didn't get the automated phone call from the principal, and you didn't get the blog entry from his teacher, nor the personal note she sent home pinned to every child's chest?" "No. I wonder how I missed all of that?" Johnny's parental unit expresses. Hmmmm, I wonder. This goes for kindergarten registration, teacher requests for the following year, last day of school, change in school start and stop times, etc, etc. You name it.

Oh, and by the way, the machines don't really count out the notes and paper for me. After I get done printing them all out then I sit at my desk, put on my finger condom, get out pen and small Post-it notes then count, divide and label each class and finally put them into the teachers' boxes to be passed out on a specific day of the week.

This is all in a days work. And there is much, much more fodder to come.....

From the mouths of Babes

2010-05-21T21:35:00.000-07:00

Heard in a second grade classroom:

Upon learning that they were talking about synonyms one child wanted to know what the synonym for "this" word was.

The word?

"Teacher? What's the synonym for titty?" asked the child.
"What?!" The teacher asked.
"This word." The child pointed.

The word was "tidy".

festival followup

2010-05-21T20:26:00.000-07:00

Saw this on Facebook between two friends of mine:

I saw Alec outside and told him, "Howdy Pardner!" He informed me he was dressed as a cowboy because of the "dance vegetable" at the school :) Love that kid!

Funny story!

End of another year

2010-05-21T12:51:00.000-07:00

Today was the Dance Festival and Field Day which signals the beginning of the end of the year festivities. It was my 11th Dance Festival I've had to sit through as my own children have been dancing in it since 2000 and I have been an employee of the school since 2005. I have 3 more mandatory ones (mandatory because I have to pretend to watch and enjoy my own children) and then I can just be blasé about the rest.

What they do for dance festival....did I tell what this was last year?....is each grade does two dance: a folk dance and a fun dance. Sometimes they are interesting and entertaining and sometimes they are just interesting.

Then we have field day for 1st - 6th grade. I just came in from the annual water balloon fight with the upper grades. They crowd up in front of the outside custodian doors and then we throw a large garbage can full of water balloons at them. Sometimes they catch them and throw them back at us. I am pretty wet and I wore white pants today. We also throw candy at them. It's a good time.

We have suspended several of our difficult children for the last week of school. I haven't even blogged about most of them but one of them was Pee-Pee Pants who pulled out the claws and attacked a little boy--face and neck. It was pretty bad. So we said bye-bye.

Overheard in the restroom

2010-04-23T10:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I stand by the restroom doors and listen to the conversations the students have as they go about their "business". I can go into the girls' restrooms, well, because I am a girl and shoo them out but I obviously can't go into the boys' restrooms so I will stand at the doors and look at the tiles opposite the wall of sinks. I hope that makes sense. The tile reflects what they are doing at the sinks. I can't see anyone peeing.

ANYWAY!

The other day I was down at the older kids' restroom during lunch time and listened in on this conversation:

Boy 1-"When I get married........."
Boy 2-"Well, when I get married......"
Boy 3-"I don't think I'm getting married."
Boy 1-"Why aren't you getting married?"
Boy 3-"Because it just seems like a lot of trouble to me."
Boy 2-"Well, what if your girlfriend want to get married?"
Boy 3-"I don't have to do what she says."

At about that time they were coming out of the restroom and there I am standing in the doorway. They were all surprised to see me and I said, "Now listen, if your girlfriend tells you you're getting married you're going to have to do it."

They just smiled and walked away. One of them mentioned to me later that they were a bit surprised that I was standing in the doorway. And I told him that I hear a lot of fun things that way.

Sometimes these kids are so funny.

Wrongly Accused

2010-04-23T10:05:00.000-07:00

A few minutes ago a woman came in, handed me a water bottle and asked me to give it to her 6th grade granddaughter. I said that I would. Then she asked me my name. Upon my telling her the conversation went something like this:

Her-"I need to ask you to stop calling my granddaughter names and saying demeaning blond jokes to her. "

I was a bit perplexed and wondered if I had heard her incorrectly.

Me-"What?"

Her-"You have been using her as the brunt of your jokes and it really hurts her feelings."

Me-"What?"

Her-"I need it to stop."

Me-"I don't know what she has been telling you but I have never called her any names or used her as the brunt of a joke especially as a blond." (I am very blond)

Her-"Well, I need it to stop."

Me-"I can't stop doing something I haven't done."

She insisted that I was doing this. I told her that if anything I had stuck up for her granddaughter on several occasions as she had had some trouble this year.

Me-"She is not telling you the truth. That is an outright untruth. I have never done that."

Her-"Well, it needs to stop and I will talk to her about this."

Me-"Yes, you'd better talk to her because I did not do that."

I was so pissed! That kid outright lied about me. She is a pot stirrer and has been caught in several lies about things people have or have not said to her. GRRRR!!

The Pal and Bossy were in a meeting in his office. I walked right in and freaked out about it on them. I came to the conclusion that I was going to call the girl down and ask her point blank. So she came down and went into the Pal's office for a meeting with him and I. She was scared to look me in the eye when he confronted her. She obviously lied to him when she told him that she had never said that.

I told him after she left that every time I do something wrong I am the first to go and tell him so he wouldn't be blind sided and that I would never demean a child like that. Especially because I am blond and he had said as much to the girl. He's going to call the grandmother and talk to her about it. I can't wait to see what she has to say about it.

The nerve!

The Diaper

2010-03-10T09:38:00.000-08:00

Today the 3rd grade went on a field trip. The concern was that PeePeePants wasn't going to make it through the day--which we all know she wouldn't. The teacher sent an email and left messages for the parents making them aware that if she didn't come with a Pull-Up on she would not be allowed on the field trip. No answer and no Pull-Up. So I went to the store and bought Pull-Ups and wipes.

The Pal had her come down and he talked to her about it, saying that she had to wear one. She was so embarrassed and refused to put it on. He asked her what was more embarrassing: wearing the Pull-Up or being wet and stinky. The Pull-Up was more embarrassing because she just doesn't care about being wet and stinky. He finally asked her one more time, very nicely if she would put one on and she conceded to it. I showed her how it worked and then looked into her pants to make sure she had actually put it on.

Mercy.

I gave an extra to the teacher and a small thing of wipes as she has also started to poop in her pants. I just don't know how a 9 year old girl gets to this point--not potty trained and parents who haven't done anything about it! I am agog. Agog, I tell you.

Christmas Fun

2010-03-10T09:23:00.000-08:00

Every year each child has a semester of art. They are required to make and bring an at home art project as part of their grade. One child made a really cool gingerbread house and brought it to share with the class. With things like this we sometimes keep them in the office until they have that particular class to keep their stuff from getting ruined. We were so impressed that I took pictures of it:

Isn't it cute?

His mother told us that he designed it and did all the work himself. We were rather impressed.

Good Times at the End of February

2010-02-24T10:49:00.001-08:00

It has been an interesting morning. So far we have had PeePeePants up here because she smelled so bad she needed to go home for a bath. We are slowly coming up with an action plan concerning that one. She went home, finally, had a bath and came back---happy! We made her a PeePee Chart today. Although, I don't CALL it the PeePee Chart. In my head that's what I call it. She has to report to me everyday to let me know if she had and "accident" (accident is in quotation marks because she really does it on purpose). If she has done well, she gets to take off a paper to see what's under it-if not then she doesn't. The end result will be no stink and a potty trained 9 year old. I'm shaking my head in disgust right now.

Anyhow...

We had another child wet his pants, too, but that's unusual for him.

And...

We have a sub that doesn't know what she's doing. She has allowed two children to come up to call home because they didn't feel well. We call that substitute flu. I told them both that they were okay and sent them back to class. Then a little while later she calls to tell me that there are two boys who keep fighting and bickering and she doesn't know what to do. I'm wondering why she is a sub..... I had them come up and told them to knock it off or they were going to have to hold hands and sing the Barney song. They beat a quick path back to class.

We have the stomach flu going around the school right now. It's a quick 10-12 hour thing but there have been a few pale or green faces in the office this morning.

Also, a refrigerator is missing.....yes, I said a refrigerator. I don't know what to say about that so I won't say more.

So as you can see it has been an interesting morning. I really love my job; there is always something interesting happening.

PeePeePants

2010-02-04T10:57:00.000-08:00

I'm a little bit peeved today. The topic of discussion is the irresponsibility of parents. Their irresponsibility in making their children grow up and take on responsibility. To make their children accountable for their actions. Seriously! What is wrong with you people?!

For example, I have PeePeePants in the office today. PeePeePants is 8 years old! She responds to people with grunts and grimaces. She pulls her head into her shirt along with her arms and legs and sits in her chair in class and grunts or screams. She's not autistic nor retarded; she is not parented well. Not only does she do this but she, on a daily basis, daily I tell you, pees her pants in class. She will sit in her chair and pee her pants just a little bit then she starts to stink. Her mother packs clean clothes (supposedly) in her backpack every morning because it is known that she will eventually pee in class. However, many times the clothes are not clean and they stink. This girl wets herself so much that she has a perpetual stink. It is nauseating.

This morning at about 10:30 PeePeePants and her teacher came into the office because she stunk so bad that the teacher has decided that she will no longer allow this girl to stay in her room. As soon as PPP arrived she went to call one of her parents, who did not answer. Then she started edging toward the nurses office. I asked her where she was going and she said, "To the bathroom." I was incredulous! I said to her, "You know you have to go to the bathroom so you pee your pants and NOW you want to use the restroom?!" She grunted at me. When she came out of the restroom I asked if she had flushed the toilet and washed her hands with soap and water to which both answers were in the affirmative. She lied. I went into the restroom a few minutes later to get the air freshener and it stunk so bad in their I thought I had run into a colony of mice droppings ('cause that's what it smells like). I yelled at her to get in there and flush the toilet. She pouted her way into the restroom and flushed.

Oh the story goes on and on but suffice it to say, she had no clean clothes, no one to bring her any, and the office reeked. I finally got in contact with one of her neighbors and she scrounged up so of her own children's clothing to bring for her. I don't think she will want them back again.

But back to the main problem: permissive parenting. This is why PeePeePants is the way she is. Mom pets her and says it's not the girl's fault and the kids pick on her, etc. It just basically gives the kid permission to continue to act the way she does. apparently, she is better than she was last year when she used to run on top of the desks while screaming and a few times messed her pants and threw the excrement around the room of which mom says the school and the teacher didn't understand PeePeePants. *sigh* I guess we can count our blessings for small miracles.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

2010-02-03T11:36:00.000-08:00

Oh, dear...I really did it this time. Today is the science fair which 3rd through 6th grade is required to participate as part of the curriculum. Some of the children partner up so they can share in the work and the glory of it all.

Apparently, two of our trouble maker 6th graders partnered up as I learned a few minutes ago. One of the mothers of said trouble makers called me; this is how the conversation flowed:

Her-"Hi. My son has a partner for the science fair project but the kid didn't bring the project to school with him today. My son called to tell me this."

Me-"What's the kid's name?"

Her-"JD."

Me-"Oh well, if my partner was JD I wouldn't have let him take the project home with him. But that's my opinion."

Her-"What do you mean by that?"

Me making a quick realization and stomach falling and breaking into a sweat that JD is HER kid.-"Oh wait. Who did you say? No, what's the partner's name?" Hoping beyond hope that she would just forget it.

Her-"T. But I can't remember his last name."

Me-"Well, let's see.......Is it TS?" Very pleasantly....

Her-"Yes. I can't get a hold of his mother. I've called her and driven over there but she's not there."

Me-"You know, I think she's here at the school today."

I helped her out. Got it all worked out then hung up. I called down to RP to tell her about it. Then about 10 minutes later here comes mom into the front office asking for the principal. Oh crap. I could hear her in the office asking the Pal what JP had done to offend me.

The Pal isn't in there anymore. I think he went down to the #2 to talk to her about it. Then again maybe he is on the playground....gulp.

I am going to have to make large restitution for this one. What an idiot.

Here kitty, kitty...!

2010-02-02T10:15:00.000-08:00

The art teacher brought this to me a few minutes ago. The little girl brought it up to show her and was so proud of her accomplishment. The art teacher had to turn around to keep from laughing in the little girl's face.

Of course it publishes on here sideways. I will try to fix that. But here is another view to keep you amused. BTW-It's a tail.

All Wixed Up

2010-01-15T08:41:00.000-08:00

In one of our second grade classes there are some pretty funny kids. The teacher, RP (Roxanne's Pimp), frequently regales me with the happenings. I have two to share with you, dear reader.

Last week, RP was reading a story to the children about Little Nell. Little Nell had two sisters named, Big Lizzie and Big Sarah. She read the book to the class then asked who would like to retell the story as this is part of reading strategies and comprehension, or some such thing. One little boy was asked to retell who the main characters were. He said,

"Uuuumm....Big Lizzie......Big Sarah....and.....Little...Screw??"

Think about that one.

The teacher laughed aloud and said that was funny and it was really close. Good for him, I say. It's all in perception and how you hear it.

The next story is out of the same class:

Yesterday, RP was reading a story about Harriet Tubman and how blacks and whites were always separated and still are, unfortunately, in parts of our country. But I won't get into that now.

Anyhow, there is this one little boy who has a lot of energy and is hysterically funny. She can't help but laugh at him and either can we. He looked at the little black boy sitting next to him and said, "You mean I would have had to be separated from him?" RP said that he would have been. The little boy said, "Well, I don't see any difference between him and me. That's just silly!"

So today when he came to school he went up to RP and pulled up his pant legs. On one foot was a white sock and on the other foot was a black sock. He told RP, "See? I'm wearing a black sock and a white sock on the same body. I'm not going to separate them. That would be stupid." She just laughed and laughed.

Passionate Parents

2009-12-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

Our PTA has a reading program that they've been running for several years that works really well. For a long time they would offer small monthly incentives to keep the children reading with a large end of the year trip to a local skating rink for those who had kept up on their reading for the entire year. Last year, however, they decided to offer monthly assemblies to keep the children more interested during the school year. They have storytellers come, a jump rope team, a birds of prey guy, etc. They are all really interesting and entertaining for the children.

In October a witch storyteller came whom they had last year and the children really enjoyed. The way it works is the children fill out a reading chart for each month and at the beginning of the next month turn it in to their teacher who marks the minutes and lets the PTA know who gets to go and who doesn't.

There is always some child (well, more like many children) who don't take the charts or the instructions home to their parents at the beginning of the year. Then the child invariably goes home and howls that he was the ONLY ONE who didn't attend the assembly out of his class or the whole school. Which isn't true.

Guess who gets to field the calls from the angry parents? Those poor parents. They don't know what they are up against.

So that one special call came in about 10 minutes after school let out that day in October. I knew who it was because she is in my church congregation. She started yelling right at the get go about how it's not fair to her child and she didn't know this program existed and how could we exclude one small child from the whole school and on and on and on. She was yelling. I literally couldn't get a word in edgewise. She kept escalating and escalating. I couldn't even get loud enough to talk over her to tell her to call the PTA president.

So I did what anyone would do: I hung up.

I knew she would call back. And she did. Madder than hell. She yelled, "Did you just hang up on me?" I said, very sweetly, "Why, yes, I did. I don't have to listen to you yell at me for something that isn't my fault." She wanted the number of the district and the Pal's voice mail. I gave her the one and sent her to the other. (He was out at the time.)

As soon as he came in I did what I always do and ran right in to tell him that there was an "incident" while he was out. I told him the whole story then asked, "How long do I have to listen to someone yell at me before I can hang up." He said, "Well, at least for a few minutes." I assured him that it had been a lengthy amount of time before I hung up.

He listened to the message later wherein she did the same thing. Going on and on about how rude I am and how I had hung up on her. She quite literally was yelling, "This is not yelling! This is TALKING WITH PASSION!" We all got a good chuckle over that.

One of the first things I thought of was, "Man, I feel sorry for her husband."

She, also, wrote a letter to the Pal about me that he was worried about letting me see as she was ripping on my husband and his profession as a family therapist and how he should have better control over me. Silly, silly woman. Control....pff..

The Pooper

2009-12-08T09:18:00.000-08:00

We had some interesting moments last month that I haven't been able to get around to telling until today. It's pretty slow here in the office so I might as well take the time to spell it out.

A couple Mondays before Thanksgiving there was a report of poop on the girls' restroom floor in the 1st grade hall. It's not too uncommon that some child has an accident. In fact at least once a week we are calling parents to come get their child who has wet his/her pants or sometimes has pooped. So we didn't think much of it. I sent the newbie custodian down to clean it up. heh heh heh.

Then it happened again the next day. At about the same time of day, same stall, pretty much the same spot. So I started to get suspicious. Maybe we had an incontinent child or one with encopresis (pooping on purpose) or they had toilet issues. So I started asking the teachers about some of the usual suspects and we finally ruled them all out.

It happened on Wednesday, Thursday and TWICE on Friday. And it wasn't just a little poop. It was a full out colon-cleansing poop every single time. I knew the color and the consistency. It was the same child. I asked myself and others around me how anyone could poop so much, so regularly and with such consistency. It was unbelievable!

By about Thursday I thought I might know who it was and we set out to catch her in the act. But somehow on that Friday she slipped past us both times. I love a good mystery!

On Monday, I was in the halls and in those bathrooms several times. Her teacher, RP (Roxanne's Pimp), made all the students go to the restroom in pairs for the day. At lunch I was trolling the halls when I got a call on the walkie-talkie that there was a man on the back porch taking pictures of the children. The Pal, the Custodian, two aides and I ran to the back porch and found out it was a parent filming for one of the art teachers. I decided to walk across the playground to another set of doors behind the lunchroom when out walks Roxanne limping across the playground. She was my #1 suspect so I ran to the restroom but there was nothing in there. When I walked into the office Bossy told me that a teacher had just shooed her outside upon seeing her going into a restroom. When I saw her, she was heading to the other restroom that they are allowed to use during recess. I ran down to that restroom and there it was, in all it's glory. I went outside and said on the walkie-talkie, "Has the blonde menace been outside this entire time or did she just come out of the restroom?" The two aides hadn't seen her but the Pal stepped around to where I could see him as he happened to be outside playing kickball with the kids and said, "She just came out of that door." I said, "We got her."

We called her in, showed it to her, and she fessed up on the spot. We made her clean it up then the Pal took her down to his office to call her mom. Roxanne's reasoning? Because she wanted to see if she could get away with it and because she liked the attention. Did I mention that every time it occurred, she was the one to happen upon it? Hmmm....what was my first clue?

She spent a week cleaning in the school. That wasn't enough because on Thursday it happened again. I knew it was her. It was her color (it's sad that I know this) but not her consistency. A bit more compact this time. She turned on the water works and I backed down but she finally confessed to the incident stating that she had learned some time ago that if she cried she could get out of a lie. She was suspended.

Little Poop.

Brrrrr......

2009-12-08T09:17:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to say it is December 8 and it is right now 13 degrees and -4 degrees with the wind chill.

You don't have to put on the red light....

2009-10-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

New student to blog about. I had been asked to blog about her but hadn't quite gotten around to it until this morning. Her moniker is Roxanne, thus the title.

Roxanne is in 2nd grade. She dresses like a "ho". She wears short skirts and tight shirts (plus, she's a little chubby) and high heels. We are always telling that she can't wear something. One day she was wearing a shirt that said, "Gettin' lei'd island style." We made her put on a school t-shirt over it. Roxanne has taken to asking her teacher if her outfit is okay and the teacher gives her the critique of the day. Roxanne, also, has an attitude. I've never known a kid quite like this. She fights with her mother and all the kids but she doesn't come up against me.

A couple of weeks ago she was teasing two students in her class that have decided that after they grow up and go to college they are going to get married (so cute). Let me back up a little. Roxanne came into the office crying because a boy had hit, kicked, and then bit her. I know this particular offender well enough to know it could happen but only if provoked. So I said, "Why? What did you do to him?" She said that she had tied a rope around the two love-birds. I didn't think this was the full story so I went down to ask the boy and he told me she had taken a jump rope, put it around the girlfriend's neck then around him and started choking the girlfriend. I told her I would have bit her, too.

She fights with her mother as I have mentioned. Today, she and her sister were about 40 minutes late to school. Big sister, I have yet to come up with a name for her, came in and I said, "Where's Roxanne?" She said, "She's out in the car fighting with my mom." So me and Bossy started watching it from the window as we have big windows and can see pretty much everything that goes on. Roxanne got out of the car and started walking back down the road in the opposite direction of the school. Mom got out of the car and started after her but came back to her vehicle and just yelled down the road. So I decided to go out.

As I got out there I realized how far down the road she had gotten and so I yell, "Roxanne! Roxanne! Get down here!" She turned to look at me for about 3 seconds and I yelled again for her to come. She turned around, mumbling something and started walking again. So I took off running and grabbed her. She started to bawl but I made her go in. Before she went into class she was worried about what she looked like and if her eyes were red.

I can't wait to see what she looks like as a pregnant 13 year old.

Angry, Angry Parents

2009-09-25T09:11:00.000-07:00

I just got yelled at by an angry parent. Thus the above mentioned titled. There are these two cute brothers in the school who's parents aren't happy with me. Let me give you, dear reader, some background.

Mom and Dad are meth makers and so I'm assuming they are meth users. How do I know this? Because they live in my neighborhood in a system of condos. I know the condo managers and when they were eventually kicked out, a hazmat crew had to go in and clean out that particular condo. In the meantime they have moved to a neighboring town where they could be in the same school district but a different school. They have decided to continue to come to school here with an at least 15 minute drive to and from school. They are continually late to school and I don't mean a few minutes here and there, I'm talking upwards of 1 to 1 1/2 hours late.

Yesterday, when it was a common day and ALL students were to arrive at 8:00 and go home at 2:00 to account for parent teacher conferences in the afternoon they arrived at 9:30. Which is 15 minutes past their regular start time. So I asked them, "Did you forget to give your mom the note about parent teacher conference day (which was also on Tuesday by the way)?" I was told that no, mom knew about it. So I said, "Hmm. I think I'm going to have to call your mom and have a talk with her. I'm wondering if you may be served better by going to a closer school."

Today she came in to give me their backpacks that they had left in the car. She puts them on my desk and says, "I have a problem with you." She then proceeds to tell me that I am rude to her children and to her. "I don't know what it is about my family that you hate but I am tired of you taking out your personal problems against me at my sons." I politely stated that I didn't quite know what she was referring to. And she went on to lambast me. (I like the word lambast.) So I listened to her tell me that her children come home just about every day stating that I am going to kick them out of school if they don't get here on time. She had called the principal twice about me and the school district to complain.

I let her go on for awhile and stated a few times, "That's not what I said." Finally, she took a breath and I said, "I would like to tell you what I said to them yesterday." Which she then started talking over me again and I said, "Are you ready now?" (Which I must admit was rude but I hate it when kids go home and lie to their parents about what I have said.) I then said, "I did not tell them that I was going to kick them out of school because I do not have the authority nor the gall to say that. However, I did tell them that I thought I would call their mom and talk to her and suggest that maybe they go to the neighborhood school so that they wouldn't be missing out on schooling here." I got eye rolls and all sorts of things.

She can call the district office and the principal all she wants but district policy states that if you attending a school out of area, that school can send you back to your neighborhood school if you are a behavior problem or an attendance problem. Luckily I have a paper and computer trail. The Pal cam out of his office after she left and I asked if he had heard the conversation and he had only heard parts of it. He told us that we would wait until after October 1 (when we are funded by the state) and then make a move to send them to the neighborhood school.

*sigh* He also told me to try to not be rude.

One more.....

2009-09-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

The Cisst has a sister. She is a smart child just like her brother. In fact a few years ago I asked her mother if sister was like Cisst. Mother didn't get the full meaning of my question but she replied that she is quite a bit like him but more social. I just smiled and wondered when we would see the Cisst in sister.

The other day Sister Cisst came into the office with her backpack on and told me she was going home. I asked, "Did you call your mom from the classroom?" She said, "Yes. My mom told me that I could just walk home like I did the other day." I said, " Well, that's not happening. Your mother has to come get you and sign you out. So go back to class. If she comes I will call you."
She just looked at me with all the venom she could muster in her 8 year old body and stomped off.

After she left I had the feeling that she was going to walk home. They don't live very far from the school; just a few houses down from the school. I called her mother right after she left the office. I told her what Sister Cisst had said to me and mother said, "You know she came home early the other day and she told me that you said it was okay." Which had NOT happened. Also, mother did not receive a phone call from Sister Cisst as she had said. I said, "If she shows up there, give me a call." About 10 minutes later the phone rang and mother said, "Guess who just came in the door?" I just had to laugh. They brought her right back to school.

A few days later Sister Cisst came into the office about 10 minutes after school let out. She was very mad that no one had come to pick her up yet. I said, "Why don't you just walk home. You don't live very far and you seem to know how to get there on your own." She again gave me that withering look which just evoked a teasing smile out of me and she said, "I can't. I'm not allowed to walk home by myself any more." I said, "Oh, well, I guess that's what happens when you break the school rules and lie to parents and me. Go outside and wait. I'm sure you haven't been forgotten."

OOOOHHHHH, the HATRED! HAHAHAHA! ROFL! I love my job!

More Funnies

2009-09-19T11:14:00.001-07:00

The Asp has a behavior plan in which his behavior for the day is based on a point system given by 5 people including myself. He can receive up to 4 point every day and if it is a spectacular day in which he is quiet and studious he can receive extra points. Some days he gets extra point. At the end of the day if he has at least 20 points he will get a piece of a Lego collection. He loves Legos.

He will work harder for some teachers than others for example, he loves his science class and his art class. He doesn't like his homeroom as much because it is too much work and he gets distracted easily. Somtimes his homeroom teacher, I shall call him Tab, will take him to a "time-out" room to get his work done. It's a small group classroom wherein he can get more individualized attention. He doesn't particularly like the teacher, however, and sometimes creates a ruckus to show his displeasure. When he creates the ruckus she will go down and get his lunch and bring it back to her classroom and he will not get to eat it until his schoolwork is finished. And he is also threatened with no art or science until said work is finished.

The other day he was really on one and so the small group teacher, Burt, brought him down to the office before she went to get his lunch. We oohed and aahed about how yummy it looked and placed it out of his reach until he got his classwork done. He threw the biggest fit: growling at me and shouting and telling us how horrible we are. So I said, "Uh-oh there goes one point." I said to sit down or he would lose another point and on and on until he was down to one point.

He growled at me once more and I said, "There it is. You have no more points. You have a big fat donut." He stopped for a second then said, "MMMMM....donuts..." All I could do was laugh quietly. Very Homeresque.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

2009-09-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

One of our lovlies decided to take a permanent black marker to the concrete portion of the wall on the outside of the school during recess today. Are you ready for what he wrote? "School Rocks!" Yes. Not the usual thing. When asked why he did it he at first said he didn't know which I told him wasn't a proper response and so when asked why again he said, "Well, I really like school and I wanted everyone to know."

This story brought to mind some others I have heard recently:

One afternoon a certain child was having his name placed on the board because he was having a hard time not talking. While the teacher's back was turned she overheard him and his friend discussing why he had gotten in trouble. The offender said, "I don't know. I only called so-and-so an orgasm. I don't even know what that is!" She could barely control her laughter.

Another time, the same class was discussing characters in a book they had been reading. One of the characters was a particularly difficult person so the teacher asked what words they could use to describe this character. The Cisst though about it for a minute, raised his hand and said, "I would say that he is a 'dick'." The teacher didn't quite know what to say because she didn't think that he knew what it was and truly he didn't. She tried not to smile and suggested he use a different word like jerk or idiot but he decided that he would stick with 'dick'.

I can't help telling stories about the Asp...

2009-08-31T14:37:00.000-07:00

I had been down in Kindergarten sending off the morning children and seeing the afternoon kids in. When I came back to the office the Asp was being shuttled out the door by Bossy who told him to go out on the playground. So I backed her up and told him the same thing. He seemed fine, for the Asp.

I went back to the faculty room to hang out and cool down a little (the school is very warm today). I was sitting there when my walkie-talkie went off. Bossy said, "WampumQueen, the Asp wants you to walk him back out because there are people outside bothering him." We all just giggled a little, then I said, "Asp, you better go outside right now and stay outside or I'm going to give you a big fat zero points for the day. Now get outside and man up!" Then from clear from the office we all hear this loud, "GROWL!!" We just giggled and snickered.

But he went out and he stayed out. I only gave him 3 point for the day.

Sometimes you just can't hold it in

2009-08-31T13:15:00.000-07:00

Today the custodian came to find me because he had just witnessed something he couldn't believe. He had been outside to take the lunch garbage to the big bins on the playground. A ball had come towards him so he picked it up and threw it back to the little girl it belonged to. When she caught it, apparently it popped. She looked at the ball, back up to him, started crying and said, "My ball broke." Then promptly peed her pants. Then she ran off.

I just laughed. I couldn't help it! I said, "Where did it happen?" Fully expecting it to be a small spot on the ground. But nope! It must have been a full bladder. There was a full stream running down the blacktop.

Oh wow.

Asp in the Box

2009-08-30T20:39:00.000-07:00

We have another child at the school who has Aspbergers but is a little older and a bit more manageable or has become so over the past year. Up until his 5th grade year no one quite knew what to do with him or how to handle him or get him to do his work. The were always trying to make him conform to a standard that he couldn't fit. Last year he had two ingenious teachers that worked with his specific habits and he had a spectacular year. His homeroom teacher allowed him to sit any way he wanted in his chair as long as he did his work. The other thing she did was to allow him as much free paper and colored pencils as he wanted to draw when his work was done. The other teacher saved boxes for him. That's it. She would find a box every day and put it on the corner of his desk. If he did well he could take the box home. Apparently, he was working on some kind of robot with his acquired boxes. But whatever it was it worked.

This year he has the same homeroom teacher. On the first day of school he approached her and asked her if there would still be plenty of free paper in her class. She told him to expect it. Hey, whatever works.

The Asp has decided that the Boss and I are his personal school saviors. He comes in every day wanting us to save him from some situation that he finds uncomfortable. For instance, he doesn't like assemblies because the enclosed noise is just to much stimulus for his brain. He just comes to the office and hangs out. But he has to be quiet. Anytime he doesn't want to work in the classroom he comes in to be saved. The other day I sat him down and told him that he had to do his work. But I later found out that he didn't do it. He gets graded on a 0-4 scale every day by each of his teachers and by me. He has to receive so many points to get the "prize" which is a daily piece of a Lego ship or car or whatever was on sale at Wal-Mart. He gets a piece of it every day so that by the end of a week or so he has a new toy. There are days when he gets all fours and there are days when he gets all zeros. He gets soooo mad at us when we don't give him the points he needs but he is pretty motivated by that Lego set.

The other day he found a box. Is this an Aspergers signature? I don't know. He wanted to take the box home with him and he was dragging it all over the school "keeping it away from the other kids" which of course makes the other kids more curious about the box. The Boss had him keep it in the office during lunch recess but let him take it to class with him when recess was over. He was in the art class and the teacher told me later that he sat in the box for the entire class period and drew. He asked her if he could sit in the box and she thought "well, if it keeps him quiet and he's doing his work, why not?"

We just need to find something to motivate this kid to do his actual work. He knows that it is below his level of intelligence and he has such disdain for the curriculum. The other day his homeroom teacher was struggling to get the Asp to do his math schoolwork. The Asp finally said "I have the perfect answer for all the problems" then he wrote next to the work "2EZ!"

Little Poop!

Oops! Caught with your pants down

2009-08-30T17:51:00.000-07:00

We have this really cute custodian who happens to be deaf. He used to wear hearing aids but chose to take them off several months ago. So we text him when we need him and he reads lips and we communicate. Somehow. He is the best custodian we've had in a long time. Really does a great job.

Except.....

He can't quite hear if someone is knocking on the door of a room he is locked into. Like for instance, the restroom.

There are a few faculty restrooms in the school. Two have keyless entries wherein they are always open while one has a keyed entry. You must knock on the restroom door and ask if it is occupied. Welll.....one of the teachers went to use this particular bathroom. She knocked and no one answered so she used her key to enter and there he was sitting on the toilet. She was soooo embarrassed. I didn't see either of them for the rest of that day. She called to the office to let us know what had happened and how mortified she was. All I could do was laugh. I laughed and laughed and laughed. The Boss made me promise not to say anything to either of them.

But she didn't tell me I couldn't put it on my blog. hehehe....

Kindergarten is Hard; followed by First Grade is Hard

2009-08-30T17:27:00.000-07:00

I will never understand how or why parents send their children to kindergarten before they turn 5. In the state where I live the law states that a child's 5th birthday must be before or on September 1 in order to start kindergarten. Now if it's a boy and his 5th birthday is in August or even during the summer I am of the opinion that the parent should keep the child home for another year. Boys are a little less mature than girls: not always, but usually. If it's a girl then it should be up to the parents to decide. Some girls just love to be home with their mommies and are not mature enough to come to school.

We had that problem this past week as Kindergarten started on Thursday. About an hour and forty-five minutes after one of the sessions had started one of the teachers brought this darling little girl to me in the office and told me the child didn't feel well. Hmmmm.....sounded like Kindergartenitis as the Boss and I call it. I brought her around the desk, the child not the teacher, and put her on my lap while I looked up her name in the computer so I could call her mom. I tried to distract her with everything I could think of to keep her happy but to no avail. All she kept saying was, "I want my mommy. I want my mommy." I then asked her how old she was and she told me that she was 4. Her birthday is on September 1. She is a teeny-tiny little thing. She finally just curled up on my lap and laid her head against my chest and sighed really hard, "I just want my mommy."

I called mommy and the little girl talked to her for a few minutes before I took her back down to her classroom. Luckily the class was outside for recess on the Kindergarten playground. We went out and I talked to her and asked the other kids if they had been a bit nervous about coming to school the first day and they all admitted that they had been. Her teacher came over after a minute and asked her if she would like to swing on the swing set. To my surprise she got right up and went over.

First grade can be just as hard on kids for different reasons. They are in school all. day. long. and it is very hard on them. In Kindergarten at least in our district we have half-day so the full day for first grade is tough. When they are having a hard time we call it First-gradeitis.

We have one little girl who breaks into hysterics every day when it is time to go to lunch because the noise and choices she has is too much for her. We've had the same child come up for 7 days in a row to tell us it was time to go home now and that we need to call his mom. We have another one who is sick every day. One little girl takes literally 40 minutes to eat her home lunch but the thing is she has a sandwich, chips, a piece of fruit, a string cheese and a pudding cup in it, not to mention the milk she buys when she gets to the lunchroom. She eats the entire thing before she gets up to leave. How obedient is that?!

I remember when my oldest started first grade several years ago. Luckily I was not working at the time and had the energy to deal with him when he got home every day. He would come home and break into hysterics on a daily basis for the first two months. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him until it dawned on me that he was mentally tired and emotionally drained. Six and a quarter hours a day in a concentrated effort when it is new to a little person is HARD.

Come to think of it doing the same thing for 8 hours a day is HARD. I deserve a nap along with the kindergarten and first-grade. Remember when you used to take a nap every day in school? I do.

The Cisst rides again!

2009-08-26T08:01:00.000-07:00

My daughter told me an amusing story from the junior high about the Cisst. Apparently, he is in one of her classes in 7th grade and she continues to avoid him like the plague but he keeps turning up like a bad penny.

The class was standing outside the class room when someone mentioned "long grass" and having to mow it. The Cisst took this opportunity to speak out against the dangers of "long grass" stating an episode at his grandmother's house wherein he was walking through some of the overgrown stuff when he discovered a lot of wasps that then started to attack and chase him. He was going on and on about the dangers of "long grass" to a nearby boy when my daughter finally said to him, "Cisst, nobody is listening to you. Stop talking." The neighboring boy just looked at her with gratitude.

I told her, again, that the Cisst is a Narcissist and as a narcissist he only cares about his thoughts and feelings and what he has to say. She said that all she could think about was him running through a field of "long grass" with bees chasing him and screaming, "Danger! Danger!"

The Asp has a brother

2009-08-15T20:07:00.000-07:00

At the end of the school year we discovered that our Special Ed units were going to be taken away and replaced by another autism unit. There is a lot to talk about in those autistic units. Anyway, one thing we discovered is that the Asp has a brother that will be attending our school in the newest autistic unit. He is more on the severe autistic range than the Asp. I can't wait. Of course he will be totally different that the Asp but still....

One of our Kindergarten teachers was telling me yesterday that she had the Asp in her class when he attended kindergarten. She said, "He was so weird. I could never get him to look at me in the eye." I said, "Because he has Aspberger's." She would tell him to look her in the eye when she spoke and he would look at her then turn his head as far away from her without taking his eyes off of hers. Then one time she got down on his level and she told him to look at her in the eye and he stood there for a minute then cupped his hands around his eyes and got really close to her cupping his hands around her eyes, also. This was how they communicated. I said, "Have you ever read 'Look Me In the Eye'? You've got to read that book." Best book I've read on Aspergians from an Aspergian point of view.

In fact can't wait for his follow-up book.

School starts this Thursday. *yipee*

Almost that time again

2009-07-20T17:31:00.000-07:00

No new stories to report at this time. Just a note to say that it is 3 weeks and counting from today that I start looking for new material. Three weeks from today Bossy and I start registration........can't wait.

The Asp is Smart

2009-06-21T10:45:00.000-07:00

One more story of the Asp that I just reminded myself about. At the end of every school year we have what is called the dance festival. Each grade does two dances: the first is a folk song/dance and the second is a fun dance usually with the popular theme of the year. This year the autistic/special ed./resource children did a couple of dances of their own which is a first for them and very exciting. (Actually it is was the only one I really paid attention to.) When they went out, the Asp was nowhere to be found until he realized that they had started so he ran out to join them in the middle of the folk dance. When that was over he was out of there. He came over to Bossy and me doing his usual pout and we congratulated him on his great job and told him we only watched him. (We've become quite attached to him during the year.) Bossy praised him up and down. Then we shared a bit of information we had found out only the day before. Each year at the beginning and end of the year the children have to be tested. I hate testing only because I am in charge of it. Anyway, the Asp tested the highest in his grade for math. So I said to him, "You know what? I have a secret for you. You had the highest score in your grade on the math portion of the test." The Boss praised him for that as did I. He stood there for a minute looking at us then said, "But who got it for the whole school?" We just laughed a little and I told him it didn't work that way that you are only tested on grade level. He stood there for another minute then said, "Well, I guess that's okay." Competitive little buggar.

End of the Year

2009-05-14T21:29:00.000-07:00

I become the wicked Witch of the West by the end of the school year. I joke that the kids are going to start calling me Old Yellar because I just stand out in the hallways at school and yell. Especially during lunch recess.

I have the awesome job of lunchtime recess duty. My duties are as follows: At 12:10pm I am down in the Kindergarten hall watching all morning Kindergarten students get into the correct vehicle to make the ride home. Then I go up and down the halls making sure that the children are behaving and going outside to play after they eat. At 12:30 I go back to Kindergarten and meet the afternoon students outside and watch them play on their separate playground until their teachers come out to fetch them at 12:40. Then I lock up the playground and head back inside to patrol the hallways until 1:00 when it is then my turn to go to lunch.

Sounds simple, right? Well, here is the real story. I start the walk down to the Kindergarten hall but am almost always sidetracked by some kid telling me some sad story about his head being bumped or I have to stop on my way and yell into both bathrooms and clear them out, reminding them for the umpteenth time (but who is counting) that the restrooms on the other side of the building are to be used during lunch recess.

I continue my walk down the hallway and stop to lock the outside doors (as this is the only true way to keep children out) and shoo out the children who are "too cold" or "too hot" or "too tired" or "forgot their coat" which is hanging on the back of their chair. As you have already guessed it they are the same children every time. None of them seem to know how to dress for the weather.

On a side bar--I have actually called parents at their workplaces to ask if their child doesn't own a coat. When told that they do I usually reply something like "Oh, well, did they not wear the coat today?" or "Did they forget to put it on when they left the house today?" Which they reply that "Oh no. They had a coat on their body when we left the house." I then say something like, "Well I'm confused. Your child denies owning a coat..." or "Your child says that you told them they didn't need to wear a coat if they didn't want to," which are some stories I have been told. Then I am assured that the offender will be wearing a coat on the morrow. Mmmhm. We'll see.

I continue my walk to the Kindergarten then step outside to watch them all be picked up by moms or dads or babysitters or neighbors in whatever means of conveyance they have for the day. It is May 14th, People. I had 5 kids still sitting on the steps waiting for rides a good 15 minutes after Kindergarten let out today. School has been in session for Kindergarten since August 25th of last year. I call the same parents everyday to let them know that they need to pick up their little ones. Idiots. But before I leave the area I unlock the Kindergarten playground gate so the afternoon group can play outside before school starts. Again. It is May 14th, People. I AM NOT OUTSIDE AGAIN UNTIL 12:30. DO NOT DROP YOUR CHILDREN OFF AND LEAVE BEFORE THIS TIME! Hello! McFly!

After going to the office and calling all the little forgotten darlings' rides to come I go down to the faculty lunch room and stop to see what gossip is going around the table for the day. Always interesting and fun. Just a sidebar. When the bell rings 12:30 I go back outside to Kindergarten and watch them all come. This is the best part of lunch time duty because I run around and play with them and chase them and talk to them and let them tell me their stories. Cute kids. But of course, I'm wearing the ever present walkie-talkie which on an almost daily basis someone calls and asks me where I am and could I come help them. No, I'm down in Kindergarten. Everyday. The same time. Never changes!

The teachers are supposed to pick up the kids at 12:40. But if their lunches go longer then what does it matter to them?! Sometimes they come at 12:50. I just get mad and pouty. Isn't that the most adult way to handle things? I've been in Kindergarten way too long.

I lock up the gate then go back into the school to patrol the halls. Now didn't I say that I locked the outside doors to keep the children out. Well, here are 5 or 6 of them in the hall running helter skelter and whispering, "Here comes Mrs. ----------!" Oh yeah, that's not getting my attention. They always send one through the other doors to come all the way down and let them in. Why are they coming in the wrong doors, you ask? Well, why not?! There is a drinking fountain and a bathroom at the other doors but here they are getting a drink and using the wrong bathroom. And I know, you're asking yourself why does it matter so much to her...it just does. It's the principle of the thing.

I make my way down to the other doors and clear out the bathrooms first. Then anyone coming into the bathrooms gets "1 minute". They should be grateful for that 1 minute. When I was a kid I had to wait in line for an outside bathroom in 3 feet of snow. We were lucky if our bums didn't freeze to the metal seats! Just kidding. I grew up in Phoenix.

I yell down the hallway, "1 MINUTE! YOU HAVE 1 MINUTE!" "Get out! Outside, now!" "Where are you going?!" "You jumped off the roof and have a bone sticking out of your thigh?! Just go back outside. You'll be fine."

Another sidebar: Some of my favorite things to say to the kids are "It'll feel better when it stops hurting." or " Did you hurt the sidewalk?" "No you don't need ice for your head. You need to use your head." and other such endearments.

When the 1:00 bell rings the end of lunch I am the most grateful employee you've ever seen. I have never hated a job so much in my life.

A Letter to the Principal

2009-05-05T10:17:00.000-07:00

If I were the princabull, by ----- -------- (complete with grammatical errors)

Hi I'm ------- i'm in third grad and I rilley wont to be the princabull. Becuse I wood let the kids lesin to a mp3 plarys and play games and lunch you cude driyv to lunch when ever you want. For rees you coude simm all day. You cude slepp at school and you cud give your teachers grad. you cid wer flip flop and tank tops and you cude were pjamus to school and you cude tock in claes and give your theachers home whork and you git smrt we wude have a sode fantin and a rase trak and you cude git a car for free and drivit in the school and on the stresy and I biy a hot rode. We chanch are clasrooms into bedrooms. and then you neve have to git up you cud go in the techer's lange and drink cofe and tee and a ice rank to skat on and a silt lop for you to ski or and a lite,

The eend

*sigh*

What to do, what to do, what to do about grammar and literacy.

Wanted: The Asp

2009-05-01T14:48:00.000-07:00

A few kids came in today to tell me that the Asp had posted Wanted Signs all over the school stating a Million Dollar reward for a little toy guy he had lost. He is now on a behavior plan which I have to sign and give him a number grade (0-4) everyday according to how well he has done with 4 being the best. He came in today and I gave him a 3. He wanted to know why and I said, "Because you can't put wanted signs up around the school." He wanted to know how I knew it was him and I said because I have one of your signs and the kids told me they saw you. He sighed, then said, "Oh. Okay."

He cracks me up on a daily basis. You never know what is going to happen.

Illnesses

2009-03-31T10:32:00.000-07:00

Everybody throws up from time to time in their lives but it seems that the children do it more often than not at school. Sometimes they make it to a toilet or a garbage can and sometimes it gets all over the floor or carpet. Which I then get on the walkie-talkie and say, "Clean up in aisle 3!"

Once when I was out of town my daughter came into the office and called me on my cell phone to tell me she didn't feel well. I told her that I would call the babysitter then call her back. In the 30 seconds it took me to call the sitter then call the school back she had thrown up all over the carpet and the desk.

Today I received a note that read "Child had "eye burgies" this morning and her eye looks red- can she call home- possibly pink eye?" Signed by the teacher. Now as this is a normal part of my daily life it would normally not be that big a deal but I was at that time eating PEANUT BUTTER TOAST!! Ewwww. Not very appetizing.

I'll tell you what: I have a lot of hand sanitizers of many different types on my desk and I use them!

Late Children

2009-03-23T13:58:00.000-07:00

We have families who bring their children late or pick up their children late on an almost daily basis. The biggest offenders live literally less than a block from the school. Last Monday one of them was once again late being picked up. This is the email I received:

I am writing in regards to a safety concern I have. On Friday my child,my child, came to the office after school to use the phone to call and tell me her practice with Mrs. ---- had been cancelled and she needed to be picked up earlier than planned. Apparently you said to her, "Why don't you just walk home?" This statement concerns me. #1 No child should walk home alone, even if they only live one block from the school. Especially in light of the multiple phone messages and letters from the principal this year about attempted abductions near the school, even one block is too far to go alone. #2 A child should never be encouraged to do something aside from their family policy without parent permission.
Had she chosen to follow your suggestion to walk home alone I would have been unaware of where she was, and had a problem occurred I would not have known about it until the time we had prearranged to pick her up.
I do not have a problem with the policy of making a child wait in the office a specified number of minutes before using the phone after school. But telling a child to just walk home is an extremely unsafe suggestion.
Thank you for the work you do to keep our children's school running smoothly.

This is my reply:

In light of the frequency of your child's tardies and being picked up in a rather late fashion I asked her if she was ABLE to walk home since she lives so close. I would never suggest that a child walk home alone. But thank you for taking her word for it.

The other child sat around today after school for 20 minutes waiting for mom to pick her up. (I can literally see her house from the windows at the back of the school). She came in wanting to use the phone so I asked her if she was supposed to walk or were they coming to get her. She said she didn't know. I said, " You don't live very far can you walk home?" Then one of the aides shooed her out the door and told her to walk. But I got on the phone and called the mom and told her that school had been out 20 minutes and could she come get her. She said she was coming so I called outside and had the girls come back in to wait. Mother came to get her and she went home.

5 minutes later my phone rang and it was the mother calling. She said, " I am calling to let you know that my daughter is crying and wants to go back to her old school because you are rude to her." I said, "Well, I'm sorry that she feels that way, but I wasn't being rude." I then told her what happened here in the office and of course that was too rude for her precious. I said, "Truth be told, I didn't talk to her as much as the aide did. I was the one who was concerned and had her come back into the school after I called you." It kept going back and forth until I finally said, "You know, you don't live that far from the school and when she is constantly late to school and late being picked up then I have to wonder if she can walk especially when I can see your house from my window. But I'm sorry that you feel that way. Maybe you can be more on time for now on." Again with the my daughter is crying and I am mad. Then she started to verbally attack me. I said that she was the one being rude at that point and then she said that she better not have to call the school again because of my rudeness. I told her she can call all she wanted but there were plenty of people in the office that heard the conversation with her daughter. "Call the principal and he will be happy to talk with you and again I'm sorry that you feel this way," I said. Then she called me a bitch and hung up.

I'm a bitch.

The Asp is Back

2009-03-23T09:53:00.000-07:00

The door flew open a minute ago and the Asp ran in and yell, "Help me! There's an insane teacher after me!" I wondered if he is now hallucinating as there was no one there. Right then the phone rang and it was his teacher telling me that he was hiding in the restroom because she had tried to take away his Pokemon cards. I told her that apparently she was an insane teacher.

I told him to give me the Pokemon cards. He yells, "No!" I said, "Right now." He yells louder, "NO!" I said, "You have until 3 to give me the cards." "NO!!" he yells. I got up and told him to come to me. Then I patted him down and found the cards and took them away. He's just so funny.

Integrity

2009-03-23T09:46:00.000-07:00

This is what Integrity means to a 3rd grade student in the social studies class. Look closely at the second photo. Obama is just standing there. No hair, no face with an arrow pointed at his head. We think it's funny. (This isn't a political statement. It's just funny.)

Family

2009-03-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

This is one of the sad, bizarre stories we deal with in the school.

There is this "family" in the school that is a pretty screwy situation. Dad has two daughters: one belongs to him and the other is the half-sister, "Bear" that doesn't belong to him but he is raising her as his own (bio mom ran off). He's shacking up with "Jade" who has two children of her own both from a different father. They have four different last names in this situation as if the shack up situation isn't confusing enough for the children.

Yesterday, Jade brought the children to school late and I asked her son where they had been. He said that they had to take someone to Lehi then they had to eat french toast. To which I replied, "Well, of course, you HAVE to eat french toast." Because you do. Who wouldn't?

When they went out into the hallway Bear stopped to talk to Jade who was on her cell phone. Bear had a strained look on her face. They parted and went their separate ways. Later, the art teacher, Jay, came to the office to talk to the Pal. She told him that Bear had a big, bruising goose egg on her forehead. When asked, Bear replied that she and Jade had been arguing during the morning and Jade had taken Bear downstairs to the basement and beat her. (Slapped her face and punched her in the forehead.) The Pal called DCFS and they came out immediately to photograph her face and interview her.

We discussed Jade a few times over the rest of the day: her moods, how she acts and reacts, bullying towards everyone. My experience with Jade and Bear's dad (who can be quite a handful) is to not show fear, be bothered, or be bullied and they back down fast.

Jade came in after school, hippety-hopping into the office and I thought, "Well, DCFS hasn't made their way to her house." She told me that she was happy because she found out that she had received a full-ride to the local university. Hmmmm...

I don't think she had been gone 10 minutes when she called back wondering why Bear had been in the office today. I played dumb for once. She called back about 10 minutes later and wanted to talk to the Pal. He got this story from her: They had been arguing this morning and Bear had run into the wall and deserved what she got. Run into the wall. How many times have you heard that one from an abused woman that she got the black eye from running into the door or the wall?

What is the matter with people?

To be continued....

Rabbits

2009-03-13T07:46:00.001-07:00

Yesterday my son came into the office right after the bell rang. He was crying loudly with his hand pressed to his cheek. I asked him what had happened and he said that someone had slapped him. I asked him who had done this and he told me a name which I had to help him identify by picture on my computer. It was one of the Rabbits. I called the Rabbit into the office and asked him why he had slapped my child. He told me, " It was a joke. It was just a joke!" I said, "Well, he doesn't look like he thinks it's a joke. He's crying and you hurt him. I'm calling your dad." Then he got this look in his eye of "oh no" and left the office. I called the dad who is in law enforcement and calmly let him know what had happened. I said, "I didn't yell at him but I did speak to him sternly." Dad said, "Well, you could have. You should have!" He then said he'd take care of it. So I have to wonder what happened last night.

My son cried for about 20 minutes. At one point he said that it had gone from stinging to hurting. He must have really smacked my kid hard. That just makes me mad. We aren't a physical family; not a lot of roughhousing. My point is that parents need to keep in mind what happens at home will almost always come to school.

And that's all I have to say about that.

The Power of Words

2009-03-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

Another interesting child we have in the school is The Cisst. He is a budding narcissist. Actually he isn't budding he is a full-blown narcissist. Everything is about this child and has been since he was a little tyke. We have to laugh at him (not at his face) because there is so much of the ridiculous in him. He thinks he is smarter than everyone else including the teachers and administrators and lets us know frequently. Last year on a particularly cold, snowy day he found the old pal in the hall and told him, "Children should not be subjected to these conditions. If we all get pneumonia and die it will be on YOUR shoulders." To which the old pal promptly replied, "I'll take that into consideration."
He tested for and was admitted into a higher learning class in our district. His parents were so proud of him as they know how intelligent he is, also. But after 3 weeks he was back in our school because he couldn't hack it. Too much structure, too much homework, and he wasn't the "smartest" anymore.
Recently, the pal had a local university program come to the school for a program called Jr Engineering a giant science experiment on wheels. Each teacher took a subject that was geared toward a specific age group and became and overnight expert on that subject like speed, volcanoes, bridges, earthquake and so on. The university brought an 18 foot trailer full of apparatus for each subject. On the day of Jr Engineering the teachers taught rotating classes for 30 minutes their particular subject.
One of our subs didn't show up today for a teacher. So I went down there and took over until we could find a sub. The Cisst happens to be in this class. The first thing we did was go down to the computer lab to finish some assignments of which one was to be about Jr. Engineering Day. This is what The Cisst wrote:

"Do you think Jr Engineering day worth how much it costs? I don't. I believe that it's not worth it because kids misuse stuff, don't learn much, and it takes time away from other important stuff like math.
Kids naturally goof off and break stuff. Some kids are just bad. On this day kids purposefully demolish equipment. In one class about 15 kids kept crashing the "mars rovers" into each other. If those broke it would cost a lot to replace them.
Most of the things taught children already know. In one class they spent half and hour explaining what earthquakes are to the sixth grade! That is irreverent! (I think he meant irrelevant, which isn't really a word.) They ought to know what they are! Same thing with the unnecessary talk about bridges in a different class.
This day takes too much time. This day is also very frustrating for teachers. They have to try to memorize about 100 names in one day! The educators need to teach kids other stuff. Some people don't do well in math. (Apparently, he has a hard time in math.) They need help to do it. Without this day they would be able to get their assignments done. Why deny them that time?
I believe that this is a foolish idea. I think that we shouldn't have it because it takes time away from important stuff, kids misuse stuff, and people don't learn much."

This entire paper is about him!

I showed it to a couple of teachers, the pal and bossy (the head secretary). The pal had spent quite a bit of money not to mention his time getting this program to come to our school. 2nd had taught the bridges section and just laughed and laughed because she thought it was a really good lesson. And the other teacher had taught the earthquakes section and knows he had a good time in her class.
This kid is hilarious. I guess sometimes you can get too big for your britches.

The Asp

2009-03-05T18:00:00.000-08:00

There is a boy in the school who has Asperger's Syndrome. Actually there are a few of them at the school but this one is worth mentioning. What is Asperger's Syndrome? It is an autism spectrum disorder that differs from autism in that the child will be more verbal, and retain more cognitive development than the average autistic child. A good book to read about Asperger's is Look Me In the Eye by John Elder Robison, 2nd ed. The first edition is very "colorful". Make sure you get the second edition. So back to my story....
I have a feeling that I shall be telling a few stories about this particular child so I will name him The Asp. You never know what The Asp is going to do from day to day. Some days (very few) he is really quiet and other days (that turn into weeks) he just drives everyone crazy. He will get something into his head that he needs or wants or that a particular person is doing something to him and he won't let it go.
His latest obsession is a black binder. The music teacher somehow acquired a large amount of black binders that she distributed to as many students as possible. A lot of the students have traded their backpacks for the binders, including The Asp. He took out his binder one day in class and kept playing with the velcro or something, making noise. The teacher told him to put his binder away wherein he threw a fit so she took the binder away and told him that he couldn't have it back. He immediately stood up, strode towards her, and hit her with his backpack.
The teachers called the office and the pal went to the classroom and retrieved him to the office. He took The Asp into his office and asked him why he had done this. "Because she wouldn't give my binder back!" The Asp could not understand why he was in trouble. He was justified in hitting the teacher. In the end he was suspended for 1 day.
The parents were called and told to pick him up. TWO AND A HALF HOURS LATER they hadn't come and he had been in the office this entire time driving us crazy. I called the mother and said, "The Asp has been in my office for 2 1/2 hours and I have had enough. You will come and get him NOW." Mother said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I have a class that starts in 30 minutes." I said, " I don't care. You come get him now. And by the way because he spent his day of suspension in the office, he is suspended for another day." About 2 minutes later his grandma walked in. I said, "Sign him out!" She had the nerve and audacity to say, "Pretty, please?" I said, "No. Not pretty, please. We have been waiting for someone to pick him up for 2 1/2 hours. Sign him out."
During the next week he was a complete pill. He came into the office everyday and demanded that we make an announcement inside and out that he get his binder back. It all came to a head yesterday when he first got to school. He went directly to the cafeteria where he demanded his breakfast, 20 minutes early. There happened to be a teacher walking through the lunchroom and heard him, so she told him he needed to go outside to which he yelled, "Who made you the boss! I don't have to do what you say." She came into the office and told me what happened so I got on the intercom and told him to go outside that it wasn't time for breakfast. The next thing I know the office door is thrown open and he runs in, face all smooshed up in anger and yells, "Don't tell ME what to do! Who died and made YOU boss?!" All I had to do was start getting up from my desk and he was out of there and outside.
Right after the bell rang and he was in class I get a phone call from the teacher he had hit the week before. The Asp had (for the millionth time this week) demanded his binder to be returned to him. When the teacher told him no, he stood up, knocked his desk over, threw his chair down and ran out of the classroom yelling at the top of his lungs. Like the HULK! Once again I got on the intercom and told The Asp to come to the office. And once again the poor pal had to deal with him. The pal told The Asp that the teacher would not give the binder back until she received a note from himself, the parents, or his homeroom teacher saying he was doing better. So you know what he did, don't you? He went around asking every teacher he met with if they would write a note for him.
What else did he did do? He grabbed a teacher's hand and squeezed it really hard until she threatened him, he spit on a child and ran around calling him the nickname he had made up for him-something to do with a candy bar, he ran away from the playground aides and into the restroom....
...where I caught up with him. The aides called me on the walkie-talkie and told me he was in the hall then in the restroom. Four of us with walkie-talkie's gathered around the restroom door. The janitor went in and I went after him. The Asp had barricaded himself in the handicap stall and was throwing a fit. The janitor got the door open wherein The Asp ran out of the stall with a maniacal look on his face and yell, "You'll never take me alive, Coppers!" He yelled it a few more times and then 2nd in command and I each grabbed onto an arm and dragged him to the office. when we got there I wrapped two arms around him and collapsed into the corner of the couch and threw a leg over his to keep him down. (I've done this before.)
The first thing he said to me was, "YOU are invading my personal bubble." Oh, really? And spitting on a child is okay? So I started to work up a fake loogy and pretended to spit in his hair. He about went bollistic. I said, "Oh. Am I invading your personal bubble? You don't like that? Do you think "candy bar" liked that?" He said, "It doesn't matter what he thinks." So I continued to create false loogies and spit them into his hair. I asked him what this entire week's problem had been about. Was it about that stupid binder? You betcha. I said that I was so tired of listening to him whine about that binder. I made a deal with him. He wasn't to say a word about the binder for the rest of the week and he was to be good, not spit on people or call people names, hit teachers, grab teachers or anyone else for that matter. If I didn't hear of anything then on Tuesday (we have Monday off) I would write a note to the teacher and he could have his binder back. He bought it.
His dad was late picking him up and when he did I told him about The Asp's day. He said that it was the Aperger's and I stopped him immediately and said that Asperger's or not that kind of behavior is not acceptable. I tell you....one of these days I'm going to make the wrong person really mad....

Compound Words

2009-03-05T09:28:00.000-08:00

I was walking down the hall one day and got close to the lower grades and noticed there was a wall decorated by compound words the children had created. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed "birthday" and I had to wonder what this child had come up with. Notice the lady and the baby on the bed.

Freaky Tuesday

2009-03-04T18:01:00.001-08:00

I don't know anywhere else that the world can fall apart and come crashing down around your ears faster than at an elementary school. I have to think fast, know where everyone is, know where everything is, and know where I am. I have the keys to the entire school in my pocket, a walkie-talkie on my butt, and the power of the intercom at my disposal. If I don't move fast enough when called upon who knows what can happen.

As part of my job I schedule parent teacher conferences for the entire school. We have over 600 students enrolled at the present time. Bigger schools do this all on the computer but I do it all on PAPER. Yes! I think paper will be making a HUGE comeback in the next few years. But I digress....I spend about 2 weeks of my time getting PTC's set up. Which is fine; it's part of my job and I don't mind it. I schedule two days in each semester to get every student and parent in to see each of their homeroom teachers. This week is parent teacher conferences. Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and evenings.

On Tuesday at about 12:00pm the students were coming class by class into the lunchroom to eat. I stood talking to a teacher (who happens to take care of the discipline when the pal isn't around) about a problem a particular student was having with a group of boys in his class. The technology teacher approached us and proceeded to tell us that while her class was lining up to go to lunch from the computer room, two boys had pulled out magnets from their pockets and rubbed them around several computer screens.

Now those of you who don't know why that is a problem it completely messes up computer screens as they are magnetized and a magnet placed on the screen demagnetizes that particular section of the screen.

We called them in (with the walkie-talkies we wear on our butts) to the lunchroom. Then the 2nd in command did her work. She said, "Where are the magnets?" not "Did you boys put magnets on the computer screens?" They stood their with mouths open, incredulous looks of "not me" on their faces, but lying eyes moving everywhere but on our faces. She said, "Come on give them to me." One boy dug down in his pocket and pulled out two small magnets. She started in on how they had ruined the computers and we started herding them towards the computer lab. When we got there the first thing the technology teacher said was that they both had magnets. The other boy stopped and pulled six magnets out of his pocket. In the end a few more people were involved and we herded them all into the office and sat them on the couches where they promptly started to cry.

About that time I started my walk toward the playground to see what was happening out there. Going out the door I was met by a mob of kids all screaming. I finally deciphered what they were screaming about. Apparently a boy had climb the gas intake pole up the side of the school and onto the roof. I called on the walkie-talkie to one of the custodians who came quickly and opened the roof ladder. We climbed up and hauled him off the roof. I yelled, "What were you thinking? You can't tell me while you were climbing up here that you thought this was a good idea." He said, "No. It was a bad idea. I knew it while I was doing it." Remorse, remorse, remorse. We herded him into the office with the pal where he sat down on the couch with the other kids already in trouble, and promptly started to cry.

It was found out later that he had two accomplices that had kept the recess aides busy, totally occupied so he could climb up the pole.

The bell rang for the entire school to let out at 2:00 pm. I was talking to a parent on the phone, looking out the front window when I noticed that two boys had pushed another one to the ground. I knew it was going to be bad so I said to the parent, "Oh! Gotta go! There's a fight!" I hung up the phone and started to run outside while watching the two boys start kicking and punching the one. He was still on the ground, crying. I found the other two, herded them into the office and they all sat on the couch and promptly started to cry. The funny thing is the two were those who had occupied the aides on the playground during the wall climbing incident.

This all happened in a 2 hour period of time. All 5th grade. The reason I mentioned PTC's is that we were all so eager to share the information with their parents that night. I wonder how that went....

An Introduction

2009-03-04T16:33:00.001-08:00

I have chosen to be an elementary school secretary. And by doing so have put myself in a situation where the everyday things of life are pushed aside and the odd and silly and sometimes sad things happen. After a particularly difficult couple of weeks and especially one day in particular I decided that I had to write this all down and share it with the world.

I posted my idea of creating a blog about my life as an elementary school secretary on Facebook and was immediately told by several people that they would subscribe to this blog. At first it was said in frustration and almost disbelief over the days happenings but now I think, "Why not? Doesn't everyone want to know what really goes on behind closed doors?"

Here are my rules: Number 1--this is totally anonymous. No names of children, educators, administrators, or parents will be published in this blog. Also, no names of specific schools will be published in this blog. We all have to be careful about the privacy of our patrons and keep ourselves safe from being recognized. Rule number 2 is that others can publish on this blog as long as they have my permission and I read the publication first. Refer back to number 1 as to why.
Exciting posts to follow...